substitute: (lamers)
Actual photo caption from our local rag:

[redacted list of children] all enjoy some exocit fruits and vegtables at Sonora Elementarys Nutrition night
substitute: (burnside)
zoology
Railway Porter (to Old Lady travelling with a Menagerie of Pets). "’STATION MASTER SAY, MUM, AS CATS IS ‘DOGS,’ AND RABBITS IS ‘DOGS,’ AND SO’S PARROTS; BUT THIS ’ERE ‘TORTIS’ IS A INSECT, SO THERE AIN’T NO CHARGE FOR IT!"

Charles Keene ~ 1869

I've been looking for the original of this cartoon for years. It's much quoted, sometimes with a "tortis" and sometimes with "hinsect" or other variations on rabbits and cats.

Thanks to http://www.wandleys.demon.co.uk/punchpix.htm and a collection of Punch cartoons about trains.
substitute: (goatse ring love)
On the front page of LJ there is a "Spotlight" item for a Valentines Day community. The tag line is:

"Leave someone a Valentine, and see if any are left for you."
substitute: (kermit flail)
SHARPSHOOTING? VINEGAR BIG HOLE? SIGN ME THE HELL UP!

6 Ed Frimercat,

Dcho 39-40,

08040 MERCABARNA, BARCELONA.

Telephone +34 972330808,Fax +34 972336453

Goodday,

Abaco Fish Limited is a Global Seafood Enterprise based in Spain. Abaco Fish SL has been a company formed by experienced people in the fish industry. Some of them come from centennial companies of the branch, installed for 150 years. Others with 40 years of experience in the international trade of fish and seafood, inclusively having being a principal contributor in the formation and commercial takeoff of Spanish sharpshooting companies. Also we were pioneering in 1971 and 1972 in the product packaging finished for its sale in great surfaces, as they were the first trays of clean sepia, lenguados, and producers of vinegar big hole, etc.

Originally starting out in the Food Additive Industry, the company became swiftly involved in plenty of other segments and is continuously adopting new challenges. Besides the trading business, it has identified the necessity to offer special services to Western companies that wish to engage themselves into activities in Spain but do not have the rights contacts, language abilities and/or time to get this accomplished themselves.

It is upon this note that we are writing you to seek your assistance in representing our company in your locality as our Regional Manager. Note that as a regional manager of our company, you will be entitled to a basic salary of $60,000 United States Dollars a year and 5% bonus of any amount you receive from customers on behalf of the company as payments for sales and outstanding debts on goods that they buy.

As a regional manager of our company, your primary functions are as follows:

1. Maintanance of a sales office. The company will be responsible for all costs including phone and other expenses, and the setting up of the office in your region.

2. Assume responsibility for all sales office.

3. Lastly, contacting clients on behalf of the company who are ready to make payments or wanting to pay for products they purchase from the company.

To facilitate this transaction if accepted, do send us promptly, the following:

1. Your Full Names

2. Present Occupation/Position

3. Contact address

4. Telephone number,Fax and e-mail contact.

5. Age.

Thanks for your time and anticipation to work with Abaco Ltd.

Sincerely Yours,

Torndaro Parkins
substitute: (conrad)
Software description:
Wkuwacz enable easy lerning of words and can be used for any language. Basic advantage of this program is very easy in use editor, that enable you to create your own word-sets. Wkuwacz is designed for Pocket PC and WinXP.
substitute: (ahpuch)
The following is a fatwa or blogular bull about the word "tribal."

The word may still be used. However, the following rules apply:
  • It may not be used as a noun ("Justin has a tribal on his left thigh.")

  • When used as an adjective, the word must refer to specific tribes or groups of tribes, as in: "Each of the chiefs heads his own tribal council" or "It is a tribal custom here to leave a little grain outside thet door for the spirits." Useage of the form "I guess they're really tribal there" or "I saw a show about some tribal people who ate yams" is forbidden. The word does not refer to brown-skinned people with insufficient pants who live in rural areas.

  • There is no style of art or music that can or should be called "tribal." Each tribe within each culture has particular styles in the arts and they are all different from each other. The word does not refer to vaguely African or Native American patterns in art or rhythmic music. The music of the Israelite tribes, for example, is notably different from that of the Zulu. Useage such as "These tribal beat loops are gonna be great in my epic techno song" or "They're having a sale at Target on those tribal pattern shower curtains" is forbidden.
Those who break these rules will be forced to pronounce the word as "tribble" for one year and live on fufu.
substitute: (ahpuch)
Does anyone have a good reference for Indonesian and Malaysian dialect and pidgin? I want my Talk like a Pirate Day experience to be authentic. Ideally I should sound like real pirates: boatloads of emaciated Malay drug addicts who swarm freighters in the Malacca Straits and hack up the crew with dull machetes, shrieking happily.

Or maybe Somali. Ships are supposed to stay > 100 miles off the coast of Somalia to avoid the local industry there, too.
substitute: (Default)
A restaurant, the name of which is formed by making a possessive out of a noun not traditionally used as a given name, but which is descriptive or evocative of the restaurant's food or entertainment or the ethnic group which produces said food, will be a bad restaurant. Examples: Chili's, TGI Friday's, Taquito's. Corollary: A restaurant named similarly but with a plural instead of a possessive will be more expensive and marginally better, but rarely worth it. Examples: Plums, Scallions, Tapas. Second corollary: Any business named in the former naming category is sure to be an unpleasant franchise and should be avoided. Example: Tire's Warehouse.
substitute: (yay)
Yep Roc Heresay, by Slim Gaillard

Yep ruk hu'reesee
Ku'bisinee e kubu'ba
U'lu hu'mish u mak voutee
Yep ruk hu'reesee
U luh mish wey u luh mish voutee
U luh mish u ruenimoa
Yep ruk hu'reesee
Ku'bisinee e kubu'ba
U'lu hu'mish uv oa voutee
Yep ruk hu'reesee
Oa voutimoa
Kibi'sini kibisee voutee kibisee voutee
Kibisee vuetee
Uee chiku chiku chiku chkie
La ho mak vuenimoa
Mu'saan bu or'uenee
Yep ruk hu'reesee
Ku'bisinee e kubu'ba
U'lu hu'mish u mak voutee
Yep ruk hu'reesee
Aluh mish vuetee u luh mish o'reenee
U luh mish vuetee u lu mi rueneemoa
Yep ruk hu'reesee
Ku'bisinee e kubu'ba
U'lu hu'mish u mak voutee
Yep ruk hu'reesee
U luh mish wey chilee un tu'meytoa saus
Ou voutee hu'reesee
Ku'bisinee e kubu'ba
U'lu hu'mish u mak vuetee
Yep ruk hu'reesee
Lu hom la ho mak votimoa
Ki'bisee ni kibisee voutee kibisee ruetee
Kibisee lam no ruenee ue o'ruetee
La ho vueteemoa
Ie suepu vueteemoa ku
U litul spies o mak vozee
Yep ruk hu'reesee
Ku'bisinee e kubu'ba
U'lu hu'mish u mak vuetee
Yep ruk hu'reesee.

Yep Roc Heresy (.mp3, 4.9M)
substitute: (legion badge)
And this just in from "Tanya":

Hi there clovely,
This kind of opportunity comes ones in a life. I don't want
to miss it. Do you? I am coming to your place in few days
and I though may be web can meet each other. If you don't mind
I can send you my picture. I am a girl.


Look thy clast on all clings clovely every hour. They they may be web.
substitute: (seamonster)
In the course of digging up Bree's court files I found all kinds of weird crap, including a lawsuit where the defendant was a painting and other delights. The one that really got me, though, was the Order Denying MAAF's motion to preclude the French phrase "Quel jeu doit-on jouer vis-a-vis des autorités de Californie?" as used in Mr. Simonet's notes from being translated as "What game must we play with the California authorities?"

The whole thing, which is only five pages and a delight ,is here on my server in .PDF form.

This judge has entirely too much fun.
substitute: (chinatown cut)
"Detectives alertly moved in on that vehicle and that male tried to ram that vehicle, two other vehicles on that scene. He subsequently exits the vehicle and as he's running away detectives can clearly see this male is attempting to pull a gun out of his back pocket. At some point in time he is chased around the corner and two detectives discharged their weapons."
substitute: (yay)
[livejournal.com profile] cataptromancer has posted an improved version of the earlier Latin translation of Vanilla Ice. Please go read it now.
substitute: (rejected yield crash)
Bobby Isosceles points me to Becky's page about Conversational Ebonics for Japanese People. Yeah. Example below:

dont be a
substitute: (smartypants)
For years I've been substituting "lunch" for "love", courtesy an old Henry Rollins bit.

In the last 5 years I started substituting "bozo" for "cyber" which works really well.

More recently "law" has become "lol".

Today's addition is that "heart" is now "honk" in all situations.

Please make a note of it.
substitute: (frank booth)
Go ahead and celebrate St. Patrick's day. Even if you're not in any way Irish. Even if you don't understand a thing about the politics of the celebration and its slogans and songs. Have corned beef and Guinness and try not to drive drunk, it's all good. Hell, the Japanese seem to enjoy Christmas, too. Holidays are fun.

But if you call it or spell it "St. Patty's Day" I'm going to come over to your house and beat you about the head and neck with "The Copy Editor's Shillelagh", otherwise known as a 1913 Webster's English Dictionary with cast iron covers and spikes, on the end of a chain.
substitute: (blog about broccoli)
I said: AAARGH PLOP!!
substitute: (squid)
From a local supermarket:

From: savings@ebemail.albertsons.com
Subject: Top 10 Healthy Living Fish Recipes

AAAAAAA IT'S STILL FLOPPING AAAAAAA AAAAAAAAA
substitute: (error semaphore)
Quotes from some that just arrived in my mailbox:

"The friend on correspondence. Clever, kind, idle time."

"Difficultly about itself to write, as in me it is combined two persons: serious lady and very lovely girl. "

"You were lucky once if you haven't known me.:)"

"I love much to write in the questionnaire it is not meaningful, I AM MARRIED here not such unit therefore it was necessary to play a cunning trick)) and to write that lonely to whom interestingly write necessarily I shall answer)"

"Has finished university of culture and arts, by a trade the manager of tourist sphere; I like to learn for myself a lot of new and interesting; I am fond of a photo. I earn additionally model, I like to leave on a nature, I play in the big tennis, I am engaged in navigation"

"The attractive girl formed, with good sense of humour)) About itself it is hard to write.."

"The man of my dreams has soft adoring eyes,a loving faithful heart, and strong nice thighs. "
substitute: (Default)
Cornmeal-crusted baked chicken breasts with black pepper; beet and tomato salad with garlic mayonnaise; steamed French beans with butter.

My cat is barking at me. I keep saying to her: WRONG ANIMAL.

[livejournal.com profile] atrustheotaku linked to the strangest book I've seen in a while, a turn of the century guide to some kind of jacked-up Japanese pidgin. My favorite page of his scans so far is the Review from the Native Press.

It's so quiet in here I can hear my eyes moving like in a Ren & Stimpy cartoon.

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substitute: (Default)
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