substitute: (sin)
I, doll, a tree.

Admittedly it's not as good as the actual "Christian Idol" contest, but it's still a win. Please assume all jokes about "extra golden calf" to have been made.

Bonus points for "Superbowl Syndrome" in which the pizza company can't actually say "American Idol" because that's an owned phrase, so they have to somehow push the concept of idolatry itself through warm disc foods.
substitute: (kermit flail)
SHARPSHOOTING? VINEGAR BIG HOLE? SIGN ME THE HELL UP!

6 Ed Frimercat,

Dcho 39-40,

08040 MERCABARNA, BARCELONA.

Telephone +34 972330808,Fax +34 972336453

Goodday,

Abaco Fish Limited is a Global Seafood Enterprise based in Spain. Abaco Fish SL has been a company formed by experienced people in the fish industry. Some of them come from centennial companies of the branch, installed for 150 years. Others with 40 years of experience in the international trade of fish and seafood, inclusively having being a principal contributor in the formation and commercial takeoff of Spanish sharpshooting companies. Also we were pioneering in 1971 and 1972 in the product packaging finished for its sale in great surfaces, as they were the first trays of clean sepia, lenguados, and producers of vinegar big hole, etc.

Originally starting out in the Food Additive Industry, the company became swiftly involved in plenty of other segments and is continuously adopting new challenges. Besides the trading business, it has identified the necessity to offer special services to Western companies that wish to engage themselves into activities in Spain but do not have the rights contacts, language abilities and/or time to get this accomplished themselves.

It is upon this note that we are writing you to seek your assistance in representing our company in your locality as our Regional Manager. Note that as a regional manager of our company, you will be entitled to a basic salary of $60,000 United States Dollars a year and 5% bonus of any amount you receive from customers on behalf of the company as payments for sales and outstanding debts on goods that they buy.

As a regional manager of our company, your primary functions are as follows:

1. Maintanance of a sales office. The company will be responsible for all costs including phone and other expenses, and the setting up of the office in your region.

2. Assume responsibility for all sales office.

3. Lastly, contacting clients on behalf of the company who are ready to make payments or wanting to pay for products they purchase from the company.

To facilitate this transaction if accepted, do send us promptly, the following:

1. Your Full Names

2. Present Occupation/Position

3. Contact address

4. Telephone number,Fax and e-mail contact.

5. Age.

Thanks for your time and anticipation to work with Abaco Ltd.

Sincerely Yours,

Torndaro Parkins
substitute: (oldman bad computer)
From the same sausage company who disdained vegetarians, an odd statement about gender and food. And Myspace presented me with a ontological puzzle last night.

meatierrrrr

what the
substitute: (asphalt)
A sausage company attacks vegetarianism and commits unintentional goatse, and the makers of a sleep drug appear to be selling a powerful hallucinogen. It's all behind the cut!

Read more... )
substitute: (bob)
To be used only as a last resort if evicted by or fleeing a truly evil landlord. Note: extremely illegal; may result in fines or imprisonment. Not endorsed by anyone sane.

Freeze 2 lbs ground meat.

Place frozen ground meat in five or so concentric zip-lock freezer bags. Make hole in wall large enough to admit bagged frozen meat.

Place meat in hole.

Plaster and paint over hole so that it appears to be just fine.

Move out.

Roughly six months later a damp explosion occurs, causing a stench that no man can smell and live, and requiring the destruction of the apartment.
substitute: (blog about broccoli)
I SAID, NO MORE! NO MORE!.

Surprisingly enough, it's SFW.

And it's [livejournal.com profile] hoyvenmayven's fault!
substitute: (Default)

AWESOME MEALS, originally uploaded by conradh.

Many awesome meals may be constructed from this assortment of pork and pork-derived products in your supermarket's refrigerator case.

substitute: (bob)
Argentina on Two Steaks a Day

steak

"Steaks here are ridiculous - not so much in diameter, since they rarely overhang the plate by more than an inch or two - but in thickness, having roughly the proportions of an American canned ham. But what the Argentines have really mastered is flavor. Strange cuts of meat that would be ground into flavorless paste up north come to your table here infused with a delicious texture and flavor, provided they are cooked right. And they are invariably cooked right. The waiters are solicitous about asking (in English) how you want your meat done, but if you let them make the call, you get a two-inch thick of meat that transitions seamlessly from carbon to bright pink and back."

SAUSAGES!!!

Apr. 2nd, 2006 02:38 pm
substitute: (squid)
The Exploding Aardvark linked me to a YouTube of a dark, wonderful, darker, incredible, meaty Kids In The Hall sketch: SAUSAGES!!!!

This is how I imagine [livejournal.com profile] odradak's life in Portland, somehow.
substitute: (wombat)
They were hand-delivered to youngsters all over the country by Little Oscar, the diminutive chef and OSCAR MAYER goodwill ambassador who appeared with the WIENERMOBILE at events throughout the 50's and 60's. The whistles were even occasionally offered in packages of OSCAR MAYER® Hot Dogs.
Throughout the 80's, the WIENERWHISTLE seemed to have remained out of the spotlight. But then, another "first" occurred: the WIENERWHISTLE was given a whole new look.
Dug up from a 1999 memepool entry and the always helpful archive.org, THE WIENER WHISTLE HISTORY PAGE
substitute: (squid)
I SAID: MEAT HELMET.

MEAT HELMETPneumatic 'air muscles' control the helmet, forcing the user to eat at intervals specified by a CPU located on a belt. The on-board program sends out commands to an electronic valve, which controls the supply of compressed air to the air muscles. A keypad allows the user to punch-in the amount of calories about to be consumed (Big Mac = 560), where the program will calculate how many chews are needed to burn them off (chewing = 70 calories/hour), commencing the forced-chewing upon the user (8 hour workout!).

Profile

substitute: (Default)
substitute

May 2009

S M T W T F S
      1 2
3 456 78 9
10111213141516
17181920212223
24252627282930
31      

Syndicate

RSS Atom

Most Popular Tags

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags