substitute

MORE AT http://www.flickr.com/groups/philolsophers/pool/

If the Medical Establishment doesn't get its ass in gear by about, oh, noon tomorrow and deal with my problem I am going to carry out the first completely left-handed mass murder in history. Currently I have had no useful help from my "primary" internal medicine physician, a physical therapy clinic, a neurologist, and a pharmacy. My best improvements have come from Home Science investigating my shoulder and what makes it feel better. I have, I think, successfully diagnosed a rotator cuff inflammation or tear. If they'd just fucking tell me whether it's a tear or not I'd write them a check.

Last week the neurologist, who is currently "investigating" me and ordered the MRI, was out of town. No one told me this and I was leaving increasingly testy messages on his scheduler's voicemail. She didn't call me back. Finally I called the internal medicine office, because he'd said: If they don't call back, don't worry. The doctor is great but the office is a nightmare. Call me. Two minutes after that call, the schedule for the neurologist called me back. Why is this all being done Soviet style?

Currently I am self-medicating with alcohol. Yes, I know that's stupid. Tomorrow I shall explain to any doctor who answers or returns my calls that I am sliding into Under the Volcano and I need either medically approved relief or a plan for fixing the problem: preferably necessarily both.

Otherwise I will show up wild-eyed and unshaven at the emergency room demanding some combination of opiates, steroids, acupuncture, inaccupuncture. sodomy, and surgery. I've had it! So, it'll be fixed I'm sure.

Finally I'd like to say that I have only been reading back a screen or so a day of the LJ because after I've done work and blathered my own posts and had 8.9 margaritas and hugged the cat I still can't do that much web browsing without flailing and moaning in pain. Yes, that's self-pity. Yes, it's for real.

I've said it before and I'll say it again: bodies are overrated.

1. That was the wrong candleholder.

2. Hot wax all over my arm barely hurt at all!

I'm all lemony fresh now.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/gloucestershire/5027868.stm

A teenager who knocked himself out while chasing a Double Gloucester cheese down a hill was among 25 people hurt in a Cheese Rolling competition.

Chris Anderson, 18, won one of the five races which make up the annual contest, in which dozens of people race down a 1:2 gradient hill after a large cheese.

St John Ambulance workers at the race, on Coopers Hill in Brockworth, said two people were taken to hospital.

One spectator was given treatment after being hit by a runaway cheese...

For years I've been substituting "lunch" for "love", courtesy an old Henry Rollins bit.

In the last 5 years I started substituting "bozo" for "cyber" which works really well.

More recently "law" has become "lol".

Today's addition is that "heart" is now "honk" in all situations.

Please make a note of it.

Kerry Getz played D's again tonight. She's too good for this circuit. This isn't the best-shot photo in the world but it captures her personality pretty well. She asked me right after that if I was one of the "infamous bloggers" and I didn't really know what to say.

I let someone check his email with my Powerbook and have a friend for life, I think, because he got one email with a big new job for him to do and one back from the girl he likes.

Talked to Rachel and her friend.. Candy? They're both college freshmen and full of excitement! which is great to hear.

Managed to avoid being murdalized by drunks or running over any of them as they skittered across 17th St. from the IHOP parking lot to Pierce Street Annex, Bar of the Damned.

Currently I am still in a cooking frenzy. I am simultaneously roasting a corned beast and making fish soup with a crapload of saffron in it.

The "johari window" mostly has complimentary or at least non-pejorative adjectives in it. This is good because people are more likely to be honest if they don't have to avoid bad adjectives (capricious, drunk, totaly retarted) and partly because it's less likely to cause fist fights.

Unsurprisingly the person with the least complimentary set of adjectives chose a pseudonym.

At the Ralphs tonight someone had brought an entire binder of coupons. It went on and on and on. There was only one checker. Coupons Galore was a large round young woman with a blonde ponytail, accompanied by a short round young woman and a large goofy guy with hair all over the place. They looked like they were on their way to an Insane Clown Posse show or just to get arrested. But she was a coupon nut. The poor checker was starting to lose his cool, and the line was stacking up. The guy behind me cracked "Coupons are illegal after midnight". It went on and on. A few minutes later the dark-haired woman shot me an angry look and mumbled at me. "Eh?" I said. "It's just COUPONS. What's funny?" I said "I have no problem with coupons." "Well what's so FUNNY?" The guy behind me said "Coupons are funny." She made him repeat it twice and then said "WELL WE COME IN HERE AFTER MIDNIGHT BECAUSE WE FIGURE NO ONE'S HERE." She was looking at me for some reason, and I recalled now that she was glaring at me in the aisles earlier too. And now she was getting all street, yo, and throwing some Angry Mexican Girl vibe. "If you don't give me any attitude I won't give you any, how's that?" I asked cheerfully.

Then another checker arrived and we all went to him. The end.

In the horrible mall down by where Bave and Dethya live, the one that looks like the Sherman Oaks Gallery turned into a half-solved Lament Configuration, there is an "italian" restaurant called, no joke, VER-SA-CHEE.

I love sitting at the bar at D's chatting with Michelle. She's so great.