substitute: (atticus)

IMG_0357, originally uploaded by conradh.

Yes, it's a luxury conversion of a semi truck. These were funny a few years ago and now they're completely hilarious.

substitute: (alien angry)
bad dates

Actually, what I wanted was the manual page for the date function. But thanks a pantload!
substitute: (dubbya)
pale, in paws, see

Plus additional hilarity in the comment thread at [ profile] ugly_crap
substitute: (smartypants)
I just watched a documentary called HIDDEN FIRE: THE GREAT BUTTE EXPLOSION.

[insert beavis laugh]

It was horrible. Bullet points of the horrible:
  • Standard post-Ken Burns style with sad violins, period pictures, and voiceovers reading letters and newspaper articles. "Dear Mama..." Did everything in the 19th century happen with a bassoon or a scrapy fiddle playing?

  • Hack academics with slow careful mellow NPR English diction saying obvious things and things that made no sense. Firefighters were simultaneously described as indentured servants and as inhabitants of a bastion of male privilege. The local historian said that people forgot about the incident because people forget things.

  • The town archivist, who was exactly Dana Carvey's Church Lady. She kept telling us that "that's how things go in Butte" when describing unique and bizarre atrocities such as mining companies being beastly, or rich guys going unpunished. After each disapproving "Forget it, Jake" statement she stopped and pursed her lips like a high school assistant principal announcing detention.

  • Two ladies in the town had written a very 1895 poem and song about the explosion. The documentary people actually hired a couple of musicians to record an over-the-top version of this song with tremulous soprano singing (this was hideously painful) and then played almost the whole thing.

  • A terrible constipated straining at the toilet of ivory tower liberalism. This included the constant inclusion of "diversity" and pictures of Chinese immigrants, and the specious assertion that some of them must have died because there was a railway station next door and therefore they would have been just arriving. Everyone actually involved in the incident was a white male, except for the horses.

  • A bespectacled bearded academic who said, roughly ten times, that firefighters are brave and sometimes die, and that this is noticed more after an incident in which many of them do, and then not as much for a few years. I think he was Anne Elk.

  • Reenaction of incidents in 1895 using "silent movie" film effects and piano background, as if it was somehow a 1925 silent melodrama. Folks I guess it's all "period."

  • No actual analysis of the economic state of Butte, who the major players were, why exactly the miscreants behind the explosion weren't punished, or even what the fuck they were mining in Butte at the time. It was just assumed that there were Powers That Be, and that businessmen weren't punished even if they killed 57 people. More disapproving pursing of the lips and playing of sad bassoons. Come on, guys. Three minutes of exposition in a documentary is not hard.

  • Who greenlighted the title THE GREAT BUTTE EXPLOSION? This is a Montana PBS production. It's going to be shown to school kids. Are you this dumb?

  • Ken Burns has ruined documentary filmmaking. It's all The Old Negro Space Program now.

Okay I'm done and I can go back to bed now.
substitute: (shutup)
Subject: Brody Jenner - "Bromance" Integration Opportunity on MTV!

Hi Devoted Clients,

I am bringing to you an integration opportunity for a new comedy/reality show featuring the Prince Of Malibu - Brody Jenner (from The Hills). The show is called "Bromance" While Brody has no trouble finding ladies to occupy his time, he is on the hunt to find the perfect 'bro-mance'?. The perfect guy he can trust? The perfect guy he can chill with and ultimately welcome into his entourage. Below and attached you will find details about the show. We are looking for clients that can have organic integrations in the "MANsion" and other places inside the show.

Note: Turnaround time is very quick, as the show begins taping on August 25th!

About the show:
Several 'bros" will compete in various group and individual activities that will test their trust, reliability and compatibility to determine who truly belongs in his inner circle.  From skydiving into Las Vegas, to dealing with the Paparazzi, to being his wingman, each episode will feature one "group date" and the always important "alone time" with Brody. Throughout the series, the pool of "bros" gets smaller as contestants get eliminated into the "Hot Tub Elimination Ceremony," where rejected 'bros' will be asked to leave the bachelor pad, dripping wet, wearing a swimsuit with luggage in hand. In the end, the winner will take home an incredible prize package, move out to Hollywood and secure a spot as the newest member of Jenner's entourage.

Sponsorship Opportunities Include:
The MANsion where the "bros" will live, compete and play offers a variety of in-show integration:
Video Games

The "bros" need transportation to travel to hot
spots during the season:
High-End Automotive Vehicles Requested

Bromance Prize Package:
The MANsion will be filled to the brim with "man toys," which will all be presented as the ultimate prize package for the winning bro.

Six (6) Hour Long Episodes
Tentatively Set to Premiere in late December
Shooting August 25th-September 15, 2008 in LA

Minimum 1 verbal and 2-3 mentions throughout series for sponsors

That is the overview. If interested let's start discussing quickly as time is of the essence! This will be FUN!
substitute: (Default)
You know how sometimes people on your friends list will post about their lives, and all of a sudden you think, "Wait a minute. Since when are they growing qat? And who still takes Gregory the Great seriously?" And then you wonder how you could have missed that seemingly standard information, but you feel too ashamed to ask for madlib answers. It happens to all of us. I mean I'll bet you a sentence there's a cut and paste with minor edits already.

Copy the questions below, erase my answers and post yours.

substitute: (heavens gate)
100F/38C in Coastal Orange County is illegal, impossible, and insupportable. I think the hottest place in the nation is Fullerton right now, and my house is making crackling noises from expanding.

Why me? Why anyone? Why me?
substitute: (aaiiee)

Nalder and Wood advertised sale items on craigslist this past week, including a 600-pound ice maker, 26 double, queen and king-sized five-inch thick foam pads and a steel-framed bed with headboard lights.

The posting stated the club was moving to a new location and down-sizing.

Outside the building, several wooden boards covered with black and purple felt lay against a retaining wall. Six automobiles and a motorcycle were in the parking lot, including a truck pulling a storage unit.

Hmm, five inches. Would that be thick enough to AUGH WHAT AM I THINKING
substitute: (heavens gate)
Hey everybody! MEASLES PARTY!

Mind-blowing post-scientific sociopaths. Via [ profile] king_felix
substitute: (scary child)

That was on the cover of the Penzeys spice catalog. Possible explanations include: Burn Victim Aspic, Dragon's Pimple, BBQ Croquembouche, Pineapply Blood Sausage, or really bad glazed ham.

substitute: (lamers)

Today I ended up at the Wikipedia page for "The Seduction Community,". I recommend it; it's an ever-flowing fount of hilarity.

I got there via the page for Ross Jeffries, Speed Seduction Guru and possible model for Tom Cruise's character in Magnolia.

Jeffries was hanging around UCLA when I was a student there. He was the constant gadfly/attention seeker/twat at EVERY political or musical event. As soon as you saw that guy you knew something lame would happen. One of the best moments of my time there was when one of my friends in the dadaist organization called the Perfect Students Union threw a pig snout at him.

They were giving out pig snouts on Bruin Walk as part of their campaign for student body president.

They gave one to Leonard, the singer from the Dickies, as he was performing at the noon concert that day, and he had it in one hand while he had Stewart, his penis puppet, in the other as he sang "If Stewart Could Talk."

You know, I Leonard has to get a lot more of whatever kind of sex he wants than Jeffries does.

When I saw the Speed Seduction guy on TV for the first time, I was shocked silent. The possibility of That Guy getting laid at all, much less writing a howto book on the subject, could not be considered. My guess is that he pays for it and needed to write the books to cover his expenses at whatever version of the Emperor's Club he patronizes.

In other news, guys are all 12
substitute: (Default)
[ profile] stupid_free points me to [ profile] lword, where a brainwreck of a conversation about mtf people is occurring. Wow.
substitute: (Default)
I dislike wikis.

It wasn't a bad idea for storing object oriented software info (thanks, Ward!) and I didn't mind maintaining one for a bunch of other nerds ten years ago.

But now they're everywhere, and it's annoying. Reasons I dislike the wiki phenomenon are:
  1. Every nerd who saw the idea reimplemented it, so there are 20 different wiki software packages, all different from each other.

  2. It''s yet another example of the user interface that nerds thing is intuitive. It's so easy, and fun, and transparent! If you like learning another markup language, that is.

  3. Wikis are used for everything. As a shared resource for software development it makes a lot of sense. As the knowledge base for a tech support site, or an archive of scripts, or damn near anything else, it's worse than useless. How many times have we seen "Our useful resource thingy is now a wiki! Enjoy, everyone!" and then been asked to create our own answers to a problem?

  4. Wikipedia.

  5. Administering one of these things is a huge pain in the ass. I never know whether I'm changing my own user settings, the entire site, or someone else's user settings. No one using the site has any clue how wiki code works or any desire to learn, and I don't blame them, so I end up doing all the stuff that's supposedly intuitive and simple and beautiful.

ACCENTUATIVE THE POSITIVE I have to say that I love HTML and its successors, hyperlinking, the WWW, and the Internet. I just don't want to play Choose Your Own 404 Adventure or User-Generated Reality all the time!
substitute: (jerry)

1. "Celebrity judge and actress Mackenzie Rosman, 18, best known as Ruthie Camden from TV drama “7th Heaven,” said the ideal Miss Newport Beach Teen is well-rounded — a good student, athletic, grounded, down-to-earth and informed."

2. "More than 20 students, ranging in age from 12 to 18, from the junior dance company at Costa Mesa-based Jimmie DeFore Dance Studio, opened the show with a sassy, hip-hop routine." [hey [ profile] kerebearus, have a PTSD flashback!]

3. "Phoenix Stanna."

4. "“They’re all very deep, very different — all at the same time,” he said. “I’m so proud, I can’t even talk about it.”"

You're welcome! :D
substitute: (milkman)
I haven't seen much Government Music Video. The first was the infamous Just Say No anti-drug one in '85 in which hipsters like Herb Alpert urged us GenXers not to do cocaine. It was possible to see all the way through if impaired in some way.

There were also some examples of AdRoc from the military that I've banished from my mind.

Some time in the 1990s, [ profile] kerebearus was partially responsible for some Government Music Video about nutrition and fitness for a local county here. I have memories of cute sixth graders chanting "NO PROTEIN POWDER! LOUDER!!!"

She refuses to have these digitized. So now we have something that [ profile] kerebearus would also appreciate. Government Health Care Recruiting Furry Hip-Hop! YO WAASSSUUPPP GOV!

[ profile] planetdracula are you pumpin' yo fist in agreement?

Blame to the Exploding Aardvark.
substitute: (badhead)
The Orange County Register has apparently hired Jean Teasdale to write their nightlife reviews. In this case it's a real win because the article is about my "favorite" restaurant:

Maybe I'm not hip enough to be at Chronic Cantina. I'll just throw that out there right now.

I may be the only person that's gone there not knowing why they call it the Chronic Cantina. Did the section of the menu titled "Munchies" tip me off? No. Did the food with names like "Fatty Tacos" and "Pack Your Tostada Salad Bowl" give me a hint? No.

It was only when I took a look at the drink list and saw the 4:20 Brownie Shot that I got what Chronic Cantina is alluding to.

substitute: (bob)
Caption of the day and/or News QOTD of the day from the Orange County Register:

"Craig Gross, founder of XXX, next to a stack of "Jesus loves a porn star" Bibles that his staff handed out at the AVN Adult Expo in Los Vegas in January. This weekend, Gross is coming to Huntington Beach for one of the organization's signature events: Porn and Pancakes."

At least they have pancakes.


substitute: (Default)

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