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You know it's a sad event when the only speaker who shouldn't be in prison is Pat Sajak.

The Claremont Institute presents the 20th Anniversary Dinner in Honor of Sir Winston Churchill, in honor of Donald Rumsfeld, with honorary co-host Dick Cheney (by video from his Castle of Evil) and introductory remarks by William J. Bennett!

Two war criminals, a gambler Tartuffe blowhard bigot, and a game show host. I hope Pat goes off on all of them for being unclean and then pulls the string on a suicide bomb. "You called me here today to be the emcee for your dinner. You wanted a nice friendly puppet, someone crass, a real pro, a get along guy. WELL YOU GOT A MAN ON A MISSION, SUCKERS!" [blam] Okay, fantasy over.

Don't go anywhere near Newport Center if you want to avoid the anal probe and/or worst traffic ever. I'm sure the presence of Rummy & Bill will result in a terrordome being lowered over the entire zip code. No need to protest. I could just show up within 3/4 of a mile in my not very clean car and wham it's gitmo.
substitute: (asphalt)
This was not a good day to shop at my usual shopping mall back in KC nor is it going to be a good day getting around the Bay Area for a very long, very very long time.

The photo gallery for the trucksplosion story is amazing.
substitute: (walken rainbow 316)
I am at a Starbucks and there are morons talking about blogs, demographics, and "making or breaking bands." The guy are talking about shit like "Yeah if someone looks for a band like Yo La Tengo then I get a list of that" and "Most of the blogs are just advertising stuff but some of those kids get, like, credentialed." I think one of them just said that a band had a "web tour." also: "THERE'S ACTUALLY SOME REALLY GOOD CELEBRITY SITES!!!"

One of them has Hippie Hair that he saw on a TV movie repeat from 1981 in 2003, clearly, complete with headband. I think they've mentioned Seattle about 8 times in the last 5 minutes.

I never remember to bring the kukri or the short-barrel 10-gauge when it's really, really needed.

TLÉÉ'
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My health plan has a website on which I may see my information, including claims and how my flexible spending account is going. Yay. Let's go look and see what FSA claims are outstanding and how much cash I might get soon. Click.

"The information you've requested is unavailable Monday - Friday 10pm - 7am, Saturday 8pm - 7am, and Sunday 6pm - 7am (all times are eastern standard time). We are sorry for this inconvenience."

What the fuck. Do the Insurance Web Gnomes go home, or something?
substitute: (tanguy)
Let's Get rid of those whiny precious aristocratic post-literate disengaged "hipster" assholes and bring back Dada.

THE TIME IS NOW. PICK UP A BRICK AND FOLLOW ME.
substitute: (feed crocodile)
According to the Los Angeles Times, chihuahuas are out and pugs are in for the tiny-dog-carrying set.

Those of you who were raising hundreds of chihuahuas in hydroponic tanks in your closets have just found yourselves at the top of the market; sorry about that. If you're lucky, you can unload the li'l barkers to clueless social climbers in the Inland Empire before they get the message.

Otherwise, it's chili night!
substitute: (twin peaks bob)
A letter to the editor in this week's Orange County Weekly, with a response not from the reporter but from the editorial staff, makes me all warm and happy inside.

IN WHICH WE’RE WISHED A NICE DAY, BUT IRONICALLY
Your rag and alleged journalists are certainly entitled to what I consider immoral, ultra-leftist opinions. Freedom of the press is, in fact, essential to a democracy. However, when a writer (Jim Washburn) has a column entitled, “Immigration? We’ve Got Bigger Problems” with a subtitle, “Why Our Noncitizens Are Our Best Citizens”, I would hope that the article would contain concrete examples of these declarations. Unfortunately, the writer chose to ramble on various issues, never addressing his topic points, before offering an example of a missed opportunity to the solution of illegal immigration by stating, “Back in the 1980s, Jesse Jackson proposed helping Mexico and other neighbors to (sic) overcome corruption and cronyism to (sic) raise (sic) job prospects and standards of living so people wouldn’t feel compelled to come here”. Mr. Washburns reasoning, like his writing, is muddled. Hey Jim, why don’t you and Jesse co-author a letter to President Fox? What a joke!!

Washburn’s final paragraph starts, “Immigrant-rights organizers are next planning a May 1 “Day Without an Immigrant,” (sic - comma should have been after the parenthetical close) in which they’re asking that people not work or shop on that day”. Great writing, Jim. I particularly enjoyed you’re convoluted word structuring in this sentence. Finally, Washburn, assumingly toungue in cheek, illogically states that blackened calamari tostada is as American as apple pie. Not that clever, Jimbo.

I applaud celebrating a “Day Without an Immigrant”. If illegal immigrants don’t work, don’t shop, don’t drive without a license or insurance, don’t commit any crimes, don’t send their children to school, don’t use any free governmental or health service benefits, etc. on that day, I would propose “A Year Without an Immigrant” so we can actually ascertain the true cost of illegal immigration.

Have a nice day,
David S. Gray
Via e-mail

The copy editor responds: Your letter, while dull, illustrates two important points: that you are frighteningly stupid, and that you really shouldn’t mess with a copy editor. In American English, we keep our punctuation inside our quotation marks unless the punctuation in question would change the meaning of that which is being quoted—for instance, if I were to say, “It sure is amazing how far David S. Gray’s ‘toungue’ is up his own ass,” and then someone else asked another person if he had heard me say that thing about you and your “toungue,” he would say it thusly: “Did you hear the copy editor say of David S. Gray, ‘It sure is amazing how far David S. Gray’s “toungue” is up his own ass’?” Am I confusing you now with all the switching back and forth between the apostrophes and the quotation marks—incidentally, what you do when there’s a quote within a quote? I’m sorry. Sorry you’re so pathetically dumb! By the way, you seem to have a bit of a problem with your possessives and you don’t know your yours from your you’res. By the way also? You’re a dick.

Don’t mess with Texas, you pussy little bitch.
substitute: (walken rainbow 316)
So, you remember the guy who wiped out at 162 mph on PCH in Malibu in an ultra-rare Ferrari? Right. And he turned out to be a Swedish criminal and failed video game entrepreneur? Right. And now it turns out that the guy he was racing, another Swedish criminal, had a house full of illegal guns and was arrested for using a fake cop ID to avoid background checks? Right. And that the fake cop ID was from the San Gabriel Valley Transit Authority, who represent themselves as a Homeland Security police organization because they give rides to old people? Right.

Hey, guess what! These guys have ties to our own Orange County Sheriff! The guy who tried to cover up the gang rape of a 15 year old girl because his buddy's son did it! The guy who additionally covered up the kid's crimes during his trial! And, of course, the guy who hands out deputy badges and guns to all the boys in the back room so they can crank off shots at miscellaneous citizens at the golf course or over a parking space! Turns out one of those guns from one of those guys ended up in Big Steve Eriksson's house, along with the other guns that, as a foreign national and a felon, he's not allowed to have. Gosh. Mike Carona, what sleaze have you NOT been involved in this year?

Deputy's Gun Is Latest Twist in Ferrari Crash
The weapon of an O.C. reserve officer is found in a raid at the home of the car's alleged driver.
By Richard Winton and Christine Hanley
Times Staff Writers

April 26, 2006

Detectives are trying to figure out why a handgun belonging to a reserve deputy for the Orange County Sheriff's Department was found at the Bel-Air mansion of the former European video game executive accused of crashing a rare Ferrari Enzo in Malibu in February.

Los Angeles County sheriff's deputies confiscated the gun during a raid at the home of Bo Stefan Eriksson, who faces grand theft, embezzlement and DUI charges related to the accident.

Read more... )
substitute: (winnebago man)


WITH his vintage blue-and-red rep tie, carefully tousled hair and old metal lapel pin reading "I {heart} Grandpa," Loren Kreiss looks like a typical style-conscious 24-year-old. He collects cool things, like 2,194 "friends" on myspace.com, an antique Coke machine and 15,000 songs on his hard drive. His vintage wristwatch is a fashion accessory, not a tool.

"My watch and all my clocks are set to the wrong time," Mr. Kreiss said recently. "It's symbolic of me. I don't like to look at time."

But as the scion of Kreiss, his family's California-based furniture business, Mr. Kreiss (pronounced to rhyme with nice) sometimes has to work at being an iconoclast. He can barely contain his contradictions. For instance, his three-times-a-week maid often resets the clocks correctly, forcing Mr. Kreiss to reset them quirky again. (To avoid missing appointments, he consults his ever-present BlackBerry.)

The rest of the article is here at the NY Times.

But wait, no, I need to paste another quote: Mr. Kreiss writes his graphic novels on his BlackBerry while working out on an elliptical trainer at the gym.

Wait wait, no, here's another: He hung out with bands like Blink-182 during the height of San Diego's neo-punk scene, sang in a band and produced three records on his indie Lurid label.

Okay I have to go punch a yuppie now. Brb.
substitute: (frank booth)
http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20060404/us_nm/crime_sextourism_dc

Hey! Surprise! Underage prostitution right here in these here now United States! Thriving! The bit on how Georgia is a destination because the penalty is "Only 5 to 20 years" is kind of weak, though. No one wants a 20-year prison sentence.

Best quote: "Another man drove from North Georgia, with a bag containing a teddy bear, a love note and condoms, snorting methamphetamine on the way." Worst. Red. Sovine. Song. Ever.

story below cut )
substitute: (staypuft)

Psychopathic Parking, originally uploaded by conradh.

For some folks it's not enough just to buy the F350 Super Duty truck. Or to buy the crew cab version. Or to get the "FX4 Offroad" package, lift it, and load it up with accessories. No, the important part here is causing a confrontation of some kind, using the truck, so that there can be some manhood and throwdowns and getting up in someone's grill, as they say. A good way to do this is to take two parking spots in a suburban parking lot where you don't belong, when all the other trucks are at the far end of the lot because their drivers were grownups.

substitute: (shutup)
Julian said tonight that he listened to a lot of books on tape while on rock 'n' roll music tour with The Pope. He liked it all except Thomas Friedman's The World is Flat which he correctly noted to be lame bullshit.

The best part? Friedman reads the book himself, and when he gets to India and is talking to the locals he reads their speech in his version of an Indian person's accented English.

What. An. Asshole.

I can hardly wait until he gets to China.
substitute: (asphalt)
diamond encrusted wheels

Get your diamond-encrusted auto wheels! Or don't. Best quote:
Last year we were the first company to offer cubic zirconia-encrusted wheels for $250,000,” said Cynthia White, Asanti’s sales manager. She stood protectively by the glass-encased wheel on display at the SEMA show while a continuous stream of industry observers snapped photos and marveled at the glittery 1,100-carat creation handset by jeweler IceLink. “This year, no other company offers real diamonds in their wheels, except us..."
substitute: (computer)
WHEN SOMEONE SENDS A REQUEST TO MY WEBSERVER FOR AN MP3 FILE, THEY GET HEADERS LIKE THIS:

200 OK
Connection: close
Date: Sat, 15 Oct 2005 20:10:47 GMT
Accept-Ranges: bytes
ETag: "2b0a8-60ac4b-765d9280"
Server: Apache/2.0.55 (Unix) mod_ssl/2.0.55 OpenSSL/0.9.8 DAV/2 PHP/4.4.0
Vary: Accept-Encoding,User-Agent
Content-Length: 6335563
Content-Type: audio/mpeg
Last-Modified: Sat, 15 Oct 2005 20:03:06 GMT
Client-Date: Sat, 15 Oct 2005 20:10:47 GMT
Client-Peer: 64.81.85.145:80
Client-Response-Num: 1

PLEASE EXPLAIN TO ME, IN YOUR OWN WORDS, HOW THIS IS A "MOVIE" AND WHY YOU ARE RESTRICTING HER FROM SAVING IT TO HER LOCAL DISK UNLESS SHE PURCHASES QUICKTIME PRO. WE HAVE ALREADY UNCHECKED ALL THE BOXES. THERE IS A STORE WITHIN WALKING DISTANCE OF MY HOUSE THAT SELLS SHOTGUNS, AND I HAVE A FULL TANK OF GAS IN THE CAR. I HOPE YOU UNDERSTAND THE IMPLICATION HERE.

LOVE,

SOMEONE WHO READS THE RFC'S AND TAKES THEM SERIOUSLY
substitute: (Default)
I love my monster.com job updates, not because I am looking for a job right now, but because of things like this.

I'm glad they don't just passively reject the transactional staffing industry paradigm. But couldn't they do so proactively? It's great that they can handle projects of varied size and scope, too. The companies with the fixed size and scope are awfully weird. And I knew about globalization, but when did the economy become project--based? I thought it was all about shit like steel, and wheat, and oil, and the value of the Euro.
JOIN THE GLOBAL HOME FOR TECHNICAL TALENT

The global home for technical talent, Kineticom partners with progressive companies in the talent-sensitive information and communications technology industries to build effective, flexible workforces.

Our active rejection of the transactional staffing industry paradigm allows us to excel as a consultative partner, delivering premium value to clients on people-critical projects of varying size and scope.

Within a culture of skill building, our contractors trust their Kineticom talent agents with the advancement of their careers, secure in the knowledge and proof that Kineticom develops self-reliant professionals who succeed in the global project-based economy.

Kineticom won a 2005 American Business Award ("Stevie") for Best Agency, recognizing our leadership in redefining the staffing agency model amid the global shift to a flexible workforce. Our ISO 9000-2001 certification ensures the quality of our business processes and our commitment to client satisfaction. Founded in 2000 with offices in San Diego, Calif., Dallas, Texas and London, U.K., our client list includes: T-Mobile, Cingular, Sprint, and Intel.

It’s our spirit, our passion, and our willingness to take risks in pursuit of winning that make us the top technical talent firm. We have a knack for finding and developing talent – it’s what we love and what we do best. If you do too, we invite you to join us.
substitute: (saddam dictator)
O.C.'s own terrorist wack job Adam Gadahn is the star of Al Qaeda's latest video, in which Melbourne and Los Angeles are threatened. You know, it would be appropriate if the next totally fucked-up terrorist attack was carried out by yet another freaky Californian who's been doing cults and subcultures for years and finally found the one that would piss off his parents the most.

I bet Al Qaeda is only going to show videos until they get an audience built, though. Then it will be game shows and comedy and drama series, and they'll start showing videos on AQ1...
substitute: (dubbya)
Watch out for hysterical urban legends, unconfirmed reports, and exaggerated nightmare scenarios about looting in New Orleans. There's looting and violence all right, and when all is told there are going to be some sad and frightening stories about it.

But who benefits from a lot of scare talk about masses of armed looters, snipers, and great crowds of the unwashed attacking rescue personnel? The people who want to blame the victims, that's who.

All those officials who failed us are going to talk long and loud about the breakdown in civil order and the need for zero tolerance and lots of soldiers with guns. Don't forget the real villains here: the people who didn't give the evacuation order in time, the local agencies that left people on their own without transportion to leave, the federal agencies that pulled the funding for the levees, the President who couldn't be bothered leaving his vacation until the corpses were floating already. They'd just love for you to concentrate on all those grimy underclass losers stealing beer and taking potshots at helicopters.

Keep your focus. The "grownups" in suits who were supposed to spend our tax money to save lives stood around while Americans died. If they try to look good later by shooting some pathetic losers for boosting a beer, it's doubling their own crime.

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