substitute: (twin peaks bob)
A letter to the editor in this week's Orange County Weekly, with a response not from the reporter but from the editorial staff, makes me all warm and happy inside.

IN WHICH WE’RE WISHED A NICE DAY, BUT IRONICALLY
Your rag and alleged journalists are certainly entitled to what I consider immoral, ultra-leftist opinions. Freedom of the press is, in fact, essential to a democracy. However, when a writer (Jim Washburn) has a column entitled, “Immigration? We’ve Got Bigger Problems” with a subtitle, “Why Our Noncitizens Are Our Best Citizens”, I would hope that the article would contain concrete examples of these declarations. Unfortunately, the writer chose to ramble on various issues, never addressing his topic points, before offering an example of a missed opportunity to the solution of illegal immigration by stating, “Back in the 1980s, Jesse Jackson proposed helping Mexico and other neighbors to (sic) overcome corruption and cronyism to (sic) raise (sic) job prospects and standards of living so people wouldn’t feel compelled to come here”. Mr. Washburns reasoning, like his writing, is muddled. Hey Jim, why don’t you and Jesse co-author a letter to President Fox? What a joke!!

Washburn’s final paragraph starts, “Immigrant-rights organizers are next planning a May 1 “Day Without an Immigrant,” (sic - comma should have been after the parenthetical close) in which they’re asking that people not work or shop on that day”. Great writing, Jim. I particularly enjoyed you’re convoluted word structuring in this sentence. Finally, Washburn, assumingly toungue in cheek, illogically states that blackened calamari tostada is as American as apple pie. Not that clever, Jimbo.

I applaud celebrating a “Day Without an Immigrant”. If illegal immigrants don’t work, don’t shop, don’t drive without a license or insurance, don’t commit any crimes, don’t send their children to school, don’t use any free governmental or health service benefits, etc. on that day, I would propose “A Year Without an Immigrant” so we can actually ascertain the true cost of illegal immigration.

Have a nice day,
David S. Gray
Via e-mail

The copy editor responds: Your letter, while dull, illustrates two important points: that you are frighteningly stupid, and that you really shouldn’t mess with a copy editor. In American English, we keep our punctuation inside our quotation marks unless the punctuation in question would change the meaning of that which is being quoted—for instance, if I were to say, “It sure is amazing how far David S. Gray’s ‘toungue’ is up his own ass,” and then someone else asked another person if he had heard me say that thing about you and your “toungue,” he would say it thusly: “Did you hear the copy editor say of David S. Gray, ‘It sure is amazing how far David S. Gray’s “toungue” is up his own ass’?” Am I confusing you now with all the switching back and forth between the apostrophes and the quotation marks—incidentally, what you do when there’s a quote within a quote? I’m sorry. Sorry you’re so pathetically dumb! By the way, you seem to have a bit of a problem with your possessives and you don’t know your yours from your you’res. By the way also? You’re a dick.

Don’t mess with Texas, you pussy little bitch.
substitute: (archy)
I used to work for a guy who was the God of Copy Editors.

He was an intense, slightly built man with fine features, a Roman nose, and long flowing brown hair. He wore tailored clothes and carried a man-purse. He spoke precisely with a fairly thick East Coast urban accent. He had been editing copy for 20 years when I met him. I was a young ex-rock-critic demoted to editorial assistant at a medical journal, and not at my peak of maturity, but I learned a lot from him.

He had geek social skills and frequently alienated others because he spoke very directly and did not engage in argument; he was just right. There were no differences of opinion about editing. There was a right way, and a wrong way. When the style guide offered two ways, he had one. His knowledge of all sorts of journalism, book editing, and publishing production was encyclopedic. We used to joke that he should be placed in a four-sided cubicle prison and have worked dropped in the top that he would slide out the bottom to avoid interpersonal conflict.

He remained a friend after I left that job. Years later, he took another technical editing job where he reported to an editor-in-chief who did not enjoy his brusque way with small editing disagreements. He would just say "You're wrong. This is the way to do it." Increasingly, she felt her authority was being undermined, and although he was undeniably talented and experienced, she was after all the boss.

One day he corrected her in his usual charming way on some small, abstruse bit of style. I think it was a type size, or whether a caption should be in italics. She finally lost her cool. "Goddamnit!" she yelled "I'm sick of you telling me all the time what to do without any reference. I'm the editor-in-chief here, and you're not in charge. If you're going to reverse everything I do you have to cite an accepted style guide for this or I'm not going to change a single thing!"

Without any pause and without looking up from his desk, he said: "Words Into Type, page 169. The footnote."

She walked over to the bookcase, pulled out Words Into Type, and paged a bit. There was a long pause. With a snort she slammed the book back into the shelf and walked out for a long lunch.

He was right. After that, she didn't yell at him any more.

I miss that guy.

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