substitute

unicode sliderule
octopus people
mopportunity
determined bush
who invented the zodiac signs and how long have they been around?

Okay, the unicode sliderule is something I put up for torgo_x. And the mopportunity is from a Leisuretown caption. I'm worrierd about the Octopus People and the Determined Bush. I think the Manimals know I'm on to them and don't want me to tell the President about the danger.

The Exploding Aardvark found a Google search string that produces really awful results. I myself prefer the Google Images results for the same phrase.

torgo_x is a superstar and found somewhere in the search cache a file of all the Leisuretown oneliners. This is why he is going to his own personal Heaven, while we strum harps and praise him.

( the late 20th century in bitter oneliners )

1) When posting on someone's LJ, doublecheck that you're logged in first and not about to post anonymously! Everyone's been making this mistake lately. It makes it hard because then I have to run around unscreening things.

2) If you're stuck on Mac OS 9, iCab appears to do everything necessary to make the site work. At least the equivalent version for OS X does, and I believe they're feature-equivalent.

3) IF AT ALL POSSIBLE, INVOLVE A COW

I'm in the process of donating some cash to Doctors Without Borders and filling out my personal info. I have to choose a "Title", meaning my salutation. The number of possible salutations in the drop-down menu is insane. Shall I be Mr. and Mrs. Rabbi? Sheik? Sergeant-at-Arms? Reverend Mother?

<select ... > <option ... > -- please make a selection -- </option> <option ... > Abbot </option> <option ... > Admiral </option> <option ... > Admiral & Mrs. </option> <option ... > Admiral & Mr. </option> <option ... > Admiral (Retired) </option> <option ... > Alderman </option> <option ... > Ambassador & Mrs. </option> <option ... > Ambassador & Mr. </option> <option ... > Assemblyman </option> <option ... > Assemblywoman </option> <option ... > Attorney </option> <option ... > Attorney & Mrs. </option> <option ... > Attorney & Mr. </option> <option ... > Bishop </option> <option ... > Bishop & Mrs. </option> <option ... > Board of Directors of </option> <option ... > Brigadier General </option> <option ... > Brigadier General & Mrs. </option> <option ... > Brigadier General & Mr. </option> <option ... > Brother </option> <option ... > Cantor </option> <option ... > Cantor & Mrs. </option> <option ... > Cantor & Mr. </option> <option ... > Captain </option> <option ... > Captain & Mrs. </option> <option ... > Captain & Mr. </option> <option ... > Captain (Retired) </option> <option ... > Cardinal </option> <option ... > Commander </option> <option ... > Commander & Mrs. </option> <option ... > Commander & Mr. </option> <option ... > Chaplain </option> <option ... > Chaplain & Mrs. </option> <option ... > Chaplain & Mr. </option> <option ... > Chief </option> <option ... > Colonel </option> <option ... > Colonel & Mrs. </option> <option ... > Colonel & Mr. </option> <option ... > Colonel (Retired) </option> <option ... > Committee </option> <option ... > Committee to Re-Elect </option> <option ... > Commodore </option> <option ... > Commodore & Mrs. </option> <option ... > Commodore & Mr. </option> <option ... > Congressman </option> <option ... > Congressman & Mrs. </option> <option ... > Congresswoman </option> <option ... > Congresswoman & Mr. </option> <option ... > Corporal </option> <option ... > Corporal & Mrs. </option> <option ... > Corporal & Mr. </option> <option ... > Countess </option> <option ... > Co-Workers at </option> <option ... > Co-Workers in </option> <option ... > Co-Workers of </option> <option ... > Dame </option> <option ... > Dr. and Mrs. </option> <option ... > Deacon </option> <option ... > DEACONESS </option> <option ... > Deacon & Mrs. </option> <option ... > Deacon & Mr. </option> <option ... > Dean </option> <option ... > Dean & Mrs. </option> <option ... > Dean & Mr. </option> <option ... > Director </option> <option ... > The Duke & Duchess of </option> <option ... > Dr. </option> <option ... > Dr. and Dr. </option> <option ... > Doctor & Doctor </option> <option ... > Dr. & Mrs. </option> <option ... > Doctor & Mr. </option> <option ... > Doctor & Ms. </option> <option ... > Doctor & Reverend </option> <option ... > The Duke & Duchess of </option> <option ... > Duchess </option> <option ... > Duke </option> <option ... > The Emperor & Empress of </option> <option ... > Emperor </option> <option ... > Empress </option> <option ... > Ensign </option> <option ... > Ensign & Mrs. </option> <option ... > Ensign & Mr. </option> <option ... > The Estate of </option> <option ... > Friends & Associates at </option> <option ... > Faculty at </option> <option ... > Faculty & Staff </option> <option ... > First Lieutenant </option> <option ... > Foreign Ambassador </option> <option ... > Friends & Neighbors at the </option> <option ... > Friends & Classmates </option> <option ... > Friends & Co-Workers of </option> <option ... > Fleet Admiral </option> <option ... > Fleet Admiral & Mrs. </option> <option ... > Fleet Admiral & Mr. </option> <option ... > Priest </option> <option ... > Friends at </option> <option ... > FRAU </option> <option ... > Friends in </option> <option ... > Friends of </option> <option ... > From the </option> <option ... > General </option> <option ... > General & Mrs. </option> <option ... > General & Mr. </option> <option ... > "General, Retired" </option> <option ... > Governor </option> <option ... > Governor & Mrs. </option> <option ... > Governor & Mr. </option> <option ... > The Honorable </option> <option ... > The Honorable & Mrs. </option> <option ... > The Honorable & Mr. </option> <option ... > The Honorable </option> <option ... > Judge </option> <option ... > Judge & Mrs. </option> <option ... > Judge & Mr. </option> <option ... > Justice </option> <option ... > Lady </option> <option ... > Lord </option> <option ... > Lord & Lady </option> <option ... > Lieutenant </option> <option ... > Lieutenant Colonel </option> <option ... > Lieutenant Commander </option> <option ... > Lieutenant Commander & Mrs. </option> <option ... > Lieutenant Colonel & Mrs. </option> <option ... > Lieutenant Colonel & Mr. </option> <option ... > Lieutenant Colonel (Retired) </option> <option ... > Lieutenant General </option> <option ... > Lieutenant General & Mrs. </option> <option ... > Lieutenant & Mrs. </option> <option ... > Lieutenant & Mr. </option> <option ... > Mrs. </option> <option ... > Madam </option> <option ... > Major </option> <option ... > Major & Mrs. </option> <option ... > Major & Mr. </option> <option ... > Mr. and Mrs. </option> <option ... > Master </option> <option ... > Mayor & Mrs. </option> <option ... > Mayor & Mr. </option> <option ... > Mayor </option> <option ... > Members of </option> <option ... > Messrs. </option> <option ... > Major General </option> <option ... > Major General & Mrs. </option> <option ... > Major General & Mr. </option> <option ... > Miss </option> <option ... > Misses </option> <option ... > Mademoiselle </option> <option ... > Madame </option> <option ... > Master Sergeant </option> <option ... > Master Sergeant & Mrs. </option> <option ... > Master Sergeant & Mr. </option> <option ... > Mother </option> <option ... > Monsignor </option> <option ... > Most Reverend </option> <option ... > Mister </option> <option ... > Mr. and Dr. </option> <option ... > Mr. & Dr. </option> <option ... > Mr. & Mrs. </option> <option ... > Mr. & Mr. </option> <option ... > Mr. and Ms. </option> <option ... > Mrs. </option> <option ... > Mrs. & Mr. </option> <option ... > Mrs. & Mrs. </option> <option ... > Mrs. & Ms. </option> <option ... > Ms. </option> <option ... > Ms.'s </option> <option ... > Officers of </option> <option ... > Parents of </option> <option ... > Pastor </option> <option ... > Private First Class </option> <option ... > Petty Officer </option> <option ... > Prince and Princess </option> <option ... > President </option> <option ... > President & Mrs. </option> <option ... > President & Mr. </option> <option ... > Prince </option> <option ... > Princess </option> <option ... > Professor </option> <option ... > Professor & Mrs. </option> <option ... > Professor & Mr. </option> <option ... > Private </option> <option ... > Private & Mrs. </option> <option ... > Private & Mr. </option> <option ... > Queen </option> <option ... > Rabbi </option> <option ... > Rabbi & Mrs. </option> <option ... > Rabbi & Mr. </option> <option ... > Rear Admiral </option> <option ... > Rear Admiral & Mrs. </option> <option ... > Rear Admiral & Mr. </option> <option ... > Representative </option> <option ... > Representative & Mrs. </option> <option ... > Representative & Mr. </option> <option ... > Reverend </option> <option ... > Reverend Doctor </option> <option ... > Reverend Doctor & Mrs. </option> <option ... > Reverend Doctor and Mr. </option> <option ... > Reverend & Mrs. </option> <option ... > Reverend Mother </option> <option ... > Reverend & Mr. </option> <option ... > The Right Reverend (Episcopal Bishop) </option> <option ... > The Right Reverend & Mrs. </option> <option ... > The Right Reverend & Mr. </option> <option ... > Senator </option> <option ... > Senator & Mrs. </option> <option ... > Senator & Mr. </option> <option ... > Senora </option> <option ... > Sergeant </option> <option ... > Sergeant & Mrs. </option> <option ... > Sergeant Major </option> <option ... > Sergeant Major & Mrs. </option> <option ... > Sergeant Major & Mr. </option> <option ... > Sergeant & Mr. </option> <option ... > Sheik </option> <option ... > Sheriff </option> <option ... > Sheriff & Mrs. </option> <option ... > Sheriff & Mr. </option> <option ... > Sir </option> <option ... > Sir & Lady </option> <option ... > Sister </option> <option ... > Speaker of the House </option> <option ... > Speaker & Mrs. </option> <option ... > Speaker & Mr. </option> <option ... > Staff Sergeant </option> <option ... > The Staff at </option> <option ... > The Staff of </option> <option ... > The Family of </option> <option ... > Trust of </option> <option ... > Vice Admiral </option> <option ... > Vice Admiral & Mrs. </option> <option ... > Vice Admiral & Mr. </option> <option ... > Vice President </option> <option ... > Vice President & Mrs. </option> <option ... > Vice President & Mr. </option> <option ... > Your friends at </option> </select>

I started futzing with my browser fonts. God help me. Once this begins I go into an OCD frenzy in which everything looks too big, too small, too bold, too faint. I blame Torgo. Anyway, while I'm raging at machines and rubbing my eyes and trying to figure out what hurts the least to look at all day, I thought I'd ask you all what you use. POLL TIME.

Edit: If you answered "Microsoft Comic Sans", the "see below" means "please kill yourself now".

[Poll #518899]