There's a peccary jammed in the rotonator

This afternoon when I left for my appointment there was a damp patch outside my bathroom on the carpet. I thought it was related to the handyman visit earlier and paid no attention.

By this evening, there was a small pool there, and soaked carpet extending through three rooms of the house. The plumber was summoned.

Apparently the hot water line that goes from the water heater out has come apart somewhere inside the concrete slab it penetrates on its way out. This has required turning off the hot water until tomorrow, when a couple of guys will show up and run new pipe around said slab to replace it. One could jackhammer the concrete away and fix just the bit of pipe that failed, but this is apparently a stupid thing to do because then the rest of the pipe will die bit by bit anyway. Go go gadget homeowners insurance!

In related but different news, Livejournal is sending me some, but not all of my comments in email. So if I don't respond to you I am more likely to be ignorant of your response than ignoring you.

P against H5N1

From The Impacted Nurse via Effect Measure, the P advice for bird flu:

Proper Prior Planning and Preparation Promotes Pandemic Preparedness, Preventing Piss Poor Performance, Pernicious Pestilence, Pervasive Public Panic, Probable Personal Petulance, Pulmonary Pathogens, Poor Patient Prognosis, Preventable Pain and Poo-ing your Pants when it all goes Pear-shaped.

Fraid of pears now.

dept of black humor and perspective

IT COULD SERIOUSLY BE WORSE (AP story, headline du jour)

THIS HOLIDAY SEASON, WHY NOT STAB YOURSELF IN THE FACE AND HEAD?

1. I had many times heard the "amazing science fact" that komodo dragons kill their prey with bad dental hygiene; they have horrible rotting shite in their teeth and bite you, and then come back when the infection has finished you off. Apparently this is at least partially inaccurate. They have venom.
   
   
2. One of the things Europeans are better at than us is objectifying women to sell tires. Not only are those some very nicely shot photos, but they almost manage to make Kate Moss look good. Over here, we get the Tool Time Girls: ennui, sadness, and implants drooped over engines.
   
   
3. I'm sure zebulon_y will be delighted to learn that Graham Greene used "zeb" as a word for "cock" while cheating at Scrabble!
   
   
4. Gizmodo presents an unusual solution to a common problem. At my job, the SDM is the thing we manage software projects in.

Ain't buyin' nothin'.

I am fixing to write a spamassassin rule that shitcans everything with "Holiday" in the subject line. Everyone I ever bought anything from or thought about buying anything from suddenly has Holiday Gift Ideas, Holiday Newsletters, Free Shipping for the Holidays, Foolproof Holiday Activities, and is, in fact, Your Headquarters for the Holidays.

We're nearing the permanent Christmas of Brazil. If anyone needs me, I'll be driving around the neighborhood deflating these gigantic blow-up turkeys on people's lawns with a screwdriver on the end of a shovel.

pecked to death by ducks

Plumber arrived. Contradicted plumber from night before, said he'd do something else. Then remembered he needed something "ASAP" from the office, and would be back in five minutes. Disappeared for an hour. Returned and removed water heater, began looking for leak. Found leak in pipe that runs through concrete. Made shamefully obvious attempt to upsell to new water heater. Finally convinced her she needed one. Plumber then very slowly worked away at something or other back there. Took a long lunch. Came back and tried an obvious upsell to a $10,000 repipe job. Was asked if new water heater would be Energy Star compliant. Didn't know, and didn't know model of heater. Finally gave up model number. Investigation showed it was not Energy Star compliant. Job unfinished at end of day. No hot water available, and no single-tap faucets can be used, so only one sink available for 5 people. Says he will be back at "8 or 9" tomorrow. Leaves old water heater on porch because not enough room in back of truck.

Carpet guy arrives, is efficient. Cuts out dead carpet, sets up drying mechanism for overnight. House now sounds like the inside of a jetliner at cruising speed. Cat locked in study cowering.

Decision made to cancel new water heater first thing a.m. Decision also made personally by me to make this plumber guy's life a kind of hell on earth if he does not finish job by C.O.B. tomorrow. Plans include looming over him Alpha Male style, telling him he's ruined Thanksgiving for my extended family, telling him he made the old lady sick, calling the office and telling them he's smoking speed.

Insert people on the internet telling me I'm an asshole who doesn't understand things and is worthy of his own suicide in the middle of this. Also other interpersonal angst I am not at liberty tot disclose. Also rising sensation of irritability, fear, and depression from NFB rebound. Also, mom slowly losing her shit because household stress. Also, concrete drilling noises. Also, no running water for 4 hours (1 flush per toilet).

Small respite at D's. Only had one self-hatred attack. Good to be outside. Still feel like I wish I could leave town or everyone else would, knowing this is irrational.

Now waiting. Supposed to do build at 2230. It is now 2255 and other person has not showed or answered her cellphone. For about the fifth time.