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Fig. 1: A 1977 Mercury Retrograde

I despise astrology, but I'm starting to wonder if they're right about that whole "Mercury in retrograde" thing. I mean, I'm actually doing okay, better than I have in quite a while. Meanwhile, three-fourths of the people I know are having huge problems: substance abuse relapses, serious legal problems, bad government surprises, social disasters, Bad Love, medical "fun", surprise pop-up angst toys, Personal Itch, and insurance companies.

When your Mercury goes retrograde, my advice is junk it and buy a Honda before you put any more money in it. That's what I say.