ho-bot

I have been contacted by a fembot on MySpace. This one appears to either be an especially hard-working sweatshop typist or a semi-broken robot. I'm not willing to investigate further so the Turing test will not be done.

There's no photo, which strikes me as a terrible mistake. Anyone who would go for something this idiotic needs a photo. I do have something in common with the robot, though. I love to have fun, too!

Hey Conrad!

I don't mean to bother you.. I just moved out here around Newport Beach for work a couple of weeks ago. It sucks cuz I don't know AnYBoDY out here ;(. My friends back home suggested I start a myspace and look for people in my area. I just started today so here I am! :D

Well I'm lookin to meet a guy and you are pretty cute Hehe. About me... Well I'm 24, single, and I love to have fun. I'm into older men. Since you're cute and 41, you fit the profile! LoL

I just started this myspace stuff today so my profile is pretty thin to say the least. If you wanna see some of my pix, I have a homepage @ houseofvicky.com/kris - there's a bunch of photos and stuff... I also left you a PeRSoNaL message on the front page so come check it out k?

XoXo KriSty

Happy Birthday, salome_st_john!

That was a nice evening and good people.

chop wood, carry water, send spam

Hello ,

I would like to send you an email .
Please let me know if that is OK ?
exec@youarehired.org withYES as subject

Thanks, Mike

Dear Mike:

What is enlightenment? Enlightenment is that which is already here. Today, the disciple has written his own koan.

Yours,

Conrad

Great Moments in Publicity: Armageddonist!

Courtesy jenlight. For me this brought back a memory of my time at the newspaper. Our typesetter hated the food writer's prose with a passion. Due to irrepressible immaturity he would insert uncomplimentary things about her and her writing in the copy while setting it. We in Editorial would then have to find and remove them. It was really funny the first time.

Greenpeace's fill-in-the-blank public relations meltdown

Before President Bush touched down in Pennsylvania Wednesday to promote his nuclear energy policy, the environmental group Greenpeace was mobilizing.

"This volatile and dangerous source of energy" is no answer to the country's energy needs, shouted a Greenpeace fact sheet decrying the "threat" posed by the Limerick reactors Bush visited.

But a factoid or two later, the Greenpeace authors were stumped while searching for the ideal menacing metaphor.

We present it here exactly as it was written, capital letters and all: "In the twenty years since the Chernobyl tragedy, the world's worst nuclear accident, there have been nearly [FILL IN ALARMIST AND ARMAGEDDONIST FACTOID HERE]."

Had Greenpeace been hacked by a nuke-loving Bush fan? Or was this proof of Greenpeace fear-mongering?

The aghast Greenpeace spokesman who issued the memo, Steve Smith, said a colleague was making a joke by inserting the language in a draft that was then mistakenly released.

"Given the seriousness of the issue at hand, I don't even think it's funny," Smith said.

The final version did not mention Armageddon. It just warned of plane crashes and reactor meltdowns.

-Jeff Shields

Savage Republic

The band I am going to see tonight isn't normal. Normal bands do not send out email like this the day of the show:

One last thing: We are in dire need of a few extra 55 GALLON OIL DRUMS for our guest musicians tonight.

If you happen to have something like this in Los Angeles, or know where we can get some on a Saturday, PLEASE CALL US AT:

650 619-3695

We can pick it up. These are they same types of barrels used by folks to make Burn Barrels. We're just going to beat on the edges, so the barrels will still be usable after the performance.