substitute

Attention to the following groups of people:

• Bar owners
• Movie screencap posters
• Homeowners with new large televisions
• Video website owners
• Video uploaders to said sites
• Home video enthusiasts

WILL YOU LEARN WHAT AN ASPECT RATIO IS ALREADY

I mean if you want to spend four figures on a piece of equipment and misuse it it's your deal but I have to look at this one. Stretching everything so it reaches the edge of the screen is not the same as making it look good. And why the fuck would you want to post a screencap online of your favorite movie with everyone looking like they're in a God-damned funhouse?

DO YOU EVEN HAVE EYEBALLS IN YOUR SKULL THAT FUNCTION AS EYES

Okay whew. None of this is important. But somehow lately the unimportant things are the easiest ones to yell about.

I failed once again to take the rocket launcher with me in the car.

Hi everyone. I'm not just a link-posting bot, but I have been writing less lately. You're welcome.

Today on the train I saw the following woman:

She was in her late forties, of indeterminate origin. Clearly a respectable office-worker type. She was one of those people immediately recognizable as eccentric. As soon as one sees such a person the only question is: what's the situation? Because there is a situation.

She thumped into one of the larger seats with a table. Right away she went into what was clearly a settled routine. Out came the purse, and from the purse most of the contents spilled onto the table. There was sorting for a few minutes.

Next, she wound her hair onto four curlers. These remained for the rest of the journey.

A series of plastic containers was carefully lined up. Yogurt, dry cereal, and some slices of fruit were deposited from three of them into a fourth, and slowly consumed with a tiny plastic spoon.

These containers were replaced in the purse, and two more containers were opened. I think they contained lunch materials. Some manipulation of the lunch containers ensued and they too were placed back in the purse.

Satisfied that she was on her way, she kicked off her shoes and took out several books as well as two pairs of glasses and a small pile of tools or jewelry that I couldn't quite make out.

The books were not read. However, she did do some minor repair on her nail polish, and I think some other makeup juju that involved a mirror and a lot of gyrations in the seat.

At this point there were twenty or so objects on the table, most of which she picked up or put down several times. At no time did she look out the window or at any other passengers.

From time to time this woman emitted a clearly audible hissing sound reminiscent of an air brake on a truck. I could not see any source for this sound or any behavior that indicated she was aware of it.

In short: LONG LIVE THE IMMEASURABLE DIVERSITY OF HUMAN EXPERIENCE and damn I am sure glad I don't share an office with her.

Seen on the Metro Red Line in Los Angeles