Also we recommend feng shui if your teeth fell out

[substitute]

My health "insurer," Blue Shield of California, just sent me a helpful note about anxiety.

They point out that we're all anxious because of "recent world events," and that's normal.

They then go on to suggest every possible solution for mental distress that does not cost them money. Included are: homeopathy (!!!) which can "bring temporary relief."

Also included are "Complementary and alternative health" solutions which are all very inexpensive and not covered by any insurance.

It's a wonder they don't just tell people to drink.

I await their instructions on setting your broken leg with reiki, wearing magnetic pants to reduce arthritis, and the magic of going overseas to get health care where they don't have to hear about it.

Fuckers.

Comments

[scythrop.livejournal.com]

Hey, c'mon, homeopathy has traditionally worked as an anti-distressive for the British royal family! ("WARNING: Do not combine with poverty, economic uncertainty, insecure feudal portfolios, or actual distress.")

[nom-de-grr.livejournal.com]

You need to scan and post this note immediately. And seriously, beyond the lulz, this sort of shit should be reported; they shouldn't be allowed to get away with peddling snake oil as any sort of solution.

[substitute.livejournal.com]

it's email, so that will be easy enough.

[srl.livejournal.com]

The question is: where to post such a thing for maximum effect?

[dr-strych9.livejournal.com]

Post it and send a link to PZ Myers.

[oxeador.livejournal.com]

Better yet, to Orac at Respectful Insolence. He collects a woo agregator of medical colleges that teach nonsense, so I am sure he will be happy to hear about an insurance company that offers woo. Well, not happy exactly, but he will apply his particular treatment of respectful insolence to it, which is what matters.

[jpeace.livejournal.com]

"Go fuck yourself. It releases endorphins. :)"

[substitute.livejournal.com]

Bless you, my son.

[jonpants.livejournal.com]

I went to the doctor the other day for a sore throat and they gave me a coupon to Baskin Robbins.

[substitute.livejournal.com]

That's way better than fucking HOMEOPATHY

[florence-craye.livejournal.com]

That's right, cause homeopathy always tastes like patchouli

or peppermint

[caladri.livejournal.com]

Dude homeopathy totally gives me panic attacks because living in a world made unpredictable by magic puts me on edge. I prefer to live in the universe where the theory of gravity isn't just a theory and Deepak Chopra is an idiot. Dude seriously you think a universe where RECENT WORLD EVENTS are chaotic is bad what about one where RECENT WORLD PHYSICS is unpredictable and HOMEOPATHY WORKS. Argh.

They should send all of their customers a free big fat placebo. Then they can talk about how they have the best treatment for fibromyalgia in the world.

[fattmike.livejournal.com]

We're sorry... Placebo is not available as a generic medication, and as such, we are unable to provide it to you. We have enclosed a coupon for a free carton of Marlboro cigarettes as an alternative. Thank you for choosing Blue Shield of California for all of your health needs.

[oxeador.livejournal.com]

Placebo is available and in many forms: homeopathy, reiki, reflexology, prayer, ...

[salome-st-john.livejournal.com]

I'D LIKE TO RECEIVE DETAILED INSTRUCTIONS (ORIGAMI) ON CONSTRUCTING MY VERY OWN TIN FOIL HAT I HEAR IT KEEPS THE RAYS OUT OF MY BRAIN THAT WILL HELP WITH MY ANXIETY WHICH COMES IN PART FROM BEING CONTROLLED BY GOVERNMENT AGENTS IN THE BLACK HELICOPTERS WHAT DO YOU MEAN THERE AREN'T ANY HELICOPTERS WELL ANYWAY PLEASE GET BACK TO ME ON THIS BUT NOT BY EMAIL AS I DON'T HAVE A PRINTER AND WANT TO HAVE THE INSTRUCTIONS ON PAPER ONLY SEND TO MY PO BOX I DON'T RECEIVE MAIL AT HOME THANK YOU!!!!!!!!

[substitute.livejournal.com]

(ORIGAMI)

[strawberrysigh.livejournal.com]

That's funny; I have CA Blue Shield and didn't get that letter. Does that mean i should or shouldn't freak out?

[substitute.livejournal.com]

It's email. Maybe I made the error of signing up for their email

[e-compass-rosa.livejournal.com]

The drinking works for me. (and homeopathy can be fucking expensive, especially since it's not covered)

[mcfnord.livejournal.com]

Ironic!

[maeve66.livejournal.com]

Oh, my god, all I could do was laugh, and I sorely needed a laugh. In similar news, the Superintendent of my school district KEEPS sending us dire forwarded missives from "the State Controller" and others warning us that California is going broke within seventy days and a) the school year might be ended months early, so we should start saving, and b) we may be issued promissary warrants, aka IOUs for pay. I mean, I think it's bullshit for public school teachers, though the unpaid furloughs for state workers (and city workers) is true enough. But his doing this is, I think, a complete scare-mongering tactic, and makes me want some free anxiety-reducing alternative healthcare. Possibly several drinks.

[leolo.livejournal.com]

California? As not your doctor in these matters, I prescribe a good dose of THC.

[leolo.livejournal.com]

Unless, of course, your previous medical history counter-indicates it.

[halfjack.livejournal.com]

I have a bottle of bourbon and a sore knee. Tomorrow I will only have one of these things. Success!

[substitute.livejournal.com]

Booker's is great stuff, but you really shouldn't saw off your knee to keep it.

[dr-strych9.livejournal.com]

How about he gives the bottle to me and I let him keep his sore knee?

[robertainnc.livejournal.com]

Ha!

This reminds me--I need to refill my Xanax prescription before it expires.

Love the icon.

[kellyramsey.livejournal.com]

APPLY DIRECTLY TO THE FOREHEAD

[besskeloid.livejournal.com]

Brown Streak, more like!