My friends' and my jobs summed up in one sentence each.

[substitute]

1. It doesn't work on my browser.
   
2. They didn't pay for their plants.
   
3. It's month-end and we're short $718.03 again.
   
4. It's just a pulled muscle, he can play.
   
5. That's not how that's spelled.
   
6. No.
   
7. We'll have to cut him a special check.
   
8. [REDACTED] is ready for field use, Colonel.
   
9. That guy tipped me 8 pennies.
   
10. The entire site is down and there is a conference call.
    
11. Okay, try now.
    
12. No, you don't need Demerol, you need to sit down and shut up.
    
13. She is vomiting blood and you need to come pick her up now.
    
14. Don't tell me the Britney Spears story is going above the fold.
    
15. Yes, the unpasteurized cheese contains dairy products also.

Comments

Various phrases that sum up my job

[brianenigma.livejournal.com]

"If you get your eye in real close, you can verify the laser is on."
"Oops, we let out the magic smoke again."
"What do you mean we don't have a procedure for handling fires?"
"What's that smell? Is it going to give me brain damage?" (also substituting "chemical" for "smell")