My friends' and my jobs summed up in one sentence each.

[substitute]

1. It doesn't work on my browser.
   
2. They didn't pay for their plants.
   
3. It's month-end and we're short $718.03 again.
   
4. It's just a pulled muscle, he can play.
   
5. That's not how that's spelled.
   
6. No.
   
7. We'll have to cut him a special check.
   
8. [REDACTED] is ready for field use, Colonel.
   
9. That guy tipped me 8 pennies.
   
10. The entire site is down and there is a conference call.
    
11. Okay, try now.
    
12. No, you don't need Demerol, you need to sit down and shut up.
    
13. She is vomiting blood and you need to come pick her up now.
    
14. Don't tell me the Britney Spears story is going above the fold.
    
15. Yes, the unpasteurized cheese contains dairy products also.

Comments

Well, it's kind of a play on #13, but...

[redmaenad.livejournal.com]

How about: "If you don't keep pressure on it, you're going to gag on the blood and vomit on yourself again."

Re: Well, it's kind of a play on #13, but...

[substitute.livejournal.com]

exactly, #13 was indeed you and I was trying to remember that story

[trinnit.livejournal.com]

As an EMT, I saw so many of #4. My motto became "Never take Medical Advice from your sports coach"

[substitute.livejournal.com]

Yeah, totally. It refers to hensatc who is an athletic trainer, meaning he's the one with the advanced degree in this stuff who's always telling Captain Meathead that he can't do that because of SCIENCE!

Am I any of these?

[zebulon-y.livejournal.com]

Because 1, 6, 7, 10, and 11 all apply.

:/

Re: Am I any of these?

[substitute.livejournal.com]

Yeah, seriously.

Various phrases that sum up my job

[brianenigma.livejournal.com]

"If you get your eye in real close, you can verify the laser is on."
"Oops, we let out the magic smoke again."
"What do you mean we don't have a procedure for handling fires?"
"What's that smell? Is it going to give me brain damage?" (also substituting "chemical" for "smell")

[yoscott.livejournal.com]

i didn't see one up there that applies to my job, so I'll just make one up.

Boogity Boogity Boogity! Let's go Racin' Boys!

[halfjack.livejournal.com]

"And that is why we let them put their logo alone on the trains."

[mendel.livejournal.com]

"We make this thing. Has it ever worked for anybody?"