cellphone, teflon bullet, bag of blow, coke whore, motel room

[substitute]

asshole plumber, useful friendly carpet guy with loud machines and bad news, not enough three prong plugs, cat going insane, extended family visiting and being neurotic, Thanksgiving with me responsible for food, work making me push individual untagged files to servers without QA because frontend fuckup, no shower for 2 days, blowjobs, suicide, Heil Hitler

Comments

[nosrialleon.livejournal.com]

"we didn't start the fi-yer..."
*ducks*

T GENERICUS

[substitute.livejournal.com]

ARE YOU SAYING I LIVE IN A GLASS HOUSE, HERE?

[stimps.livejournal.com]

Head down to grocery store, buy many hungry man dinners. Paint camo turkey on top. The'll NEVER KNOW THE DIFFERENCE!!!

[substitute.livejournal.com]

where find camo turkey paint?

[stimps.livejournal.com]

The only person who'd know is BOB TROUT.

[trinnit.livejournal.com]

This might work (see avatar)

[halfjack.livejournal.com]

Maybe invite Bob to act as a human-substitute interface for a while?

[substitute.livejournal.com]

Man, he'd love that too. But I'm sure he's having a nice weekend with Mary up in Wildomar watching the dogs rip weasels in half.

[halfjack.livejournal.com]

I bet he could find meaningful and lucrative work just renting himself out to bedgraggled folks on the holidays. "If you need anything from me talk to Bob. He'll sort you out. I'll be in the Colouring Room with a bottle of sherry."

[do-not-lick.livejournal.com]

Cook the plumber.

[marm0t.livejournal.com]

Doesn't 'blowjobs' pretty much mitigate the rest of the list?

[the1withtheeyes.livejournal.com]

not if you're on the giving end

[substitute.livejournal.com]

well there goes THAT suggestion for Saturday night

[substitute.livejournal.com]

Depending on who's giving them, and to whom, and whether one is the subject or the object of the transitive verb...

[stimps.livejournal.com]

SIR I WORK ON A TOTALLY PRO BONER BASIS
O WHY IS LAW AND ORDER OFF THE SCREEN

p.s.

[stimps.livejournal.com]

Tooth Fairy, Easter Bunny, Asshole Plumber. I don't like the new Hallmark holidays.

Re: p.s.

[salome-st-john.livejournal.com]

They do release a good set of matching gift items for Useful Friendly Carpet Guy Day. I think they got Martha Stewart in on it as well.

I hear the plans for International Blowjob Day got stuck somewhere between management and marketing.

Re: p.s.

[substitute.livejournal.com]

Marketing is always blowing management. And they don't even get a card afterwards.

hahaha

[http://users.livejournal.com/__procession/]

BLUE DIAMONDS, PURPLE BRUISES, FAT BONERS. I DON'T LIKE THIS CEREAL ANYMORE.

[anarqueso.livejournal.com]

Sounds like a clusterfuck indeed.

Whatcha cooking?

[substitute.livejournal.com]

Turkey, dressing, green beans, wild blend rice, maybe sweet potatoes, biscuits and/or cornbread, cranberry sauce. You?

[anarqueso.livejournal.com]

Experimental apple pie with honeyed goat cheese. We're going to a potluck at my friend Dan's house. Dan's a crazy bloodthirsty cook; everything's got meat. I'm looking forward to his trademark mac and cheese with bacon.

You remind me of Dan in some ways. I think that's part of the reason I wanted to be your friend so quickly.