substitute

1) Heater problem was fixed. It was some variation of "pilot light out" but the water heater is very old and the pilot light is not accessible, apparently. I had taken off the cover and attempted it, but according to the Gas Company guys it's weird and dangerous and I should just call them next time. Since it's free I have no problem with that.

2) THE NEW AT&T is sending me a new phone, having agreed with my assessment that I got a lemon. It was nice to see that the rep on the phone believed me when I told her all the stupid human tricks I had already done, and only made me give her the serial number and agree not to fuck with them when they mailed me a new one.

3) Yesterday I broke 1 ceramic bowl, one plastic plate (!), and 1 glass.