Things I learned from watching this weekend's COPS marathon

[substitute]

• Men without shirts beat women.
  
  
• The T-Top Camaro always contains the drugs.
  
  
• It only takes a few minutes to make a policewoman into a believable whore.
  
  
• No one in the history of the world has ever had any idea how the drugs got into their car.
  
  
• Do not “just be hangin out”. No good can come of it. The same is true for “being out ridin’ with my friends” and “kinda partyin a little”.
  
  
• If you are going to be flat broke, do it in a blue state. Our nation’s hot, humid heartland, with its endless convenience store parking lots and lack of entertainment, will cause your poverty to sink rapidly into paint-huffing and domestic fisticuffs. August in Chattanooga is a terribly long month.
  
  
• Athletic shoes without socks, logo t-shirts from cigarette brands, and hats provided by liquor distributors are warning signs.
  

After all of this I went to D’s for a bit and one of the “customers” of the mysterious suite upstairs arrived in a terrible rage. He was about 30 with a serious drug face that made him 50. He stormed upstairs and others saw him cutting something up with a knife and grabbing something with which he stormed out again after kicking a few things around. It was not at all cool; there were little kids around. O Bad Boys, O Bad Boys, wherefore are you gonna do?

Comments

[autodidactic.livejournal.com]

"Wow, the teeming masses really do live lives of abject desperation!"

I will never live in Florida again. I'm sure if there's a hell, it's modeled on Hillsborough County.

Of course, St. Paul is just right across the river, though it is wimpy blue state and therefore entirely too cold to be raucous all the time.

A.