I just found out the name of your best friend

[substitute]

I nearly got into it with the cigar guys again today. They almost literally bray their stupid little hates for hours on end. As they were leaving (and leaving a mountain of ash, dead newspaper, and wrappers) one of them said "What, is this Friday?" and I said a bit too loudly "I DON'T KNOW, I HAVEN'T WORKED IN 20 YEARS EITHER!"

One of them emitted a noise about "journalistic integrity" and I laughed directly at him. He thought I was laughing with. I said: "Did you say what I think you said? That's hilarious!" "Well, it's just going by the WAY SIDE!". I told him to go read Mencken from the 20s about "journalistic integrity". What a tool.

And now, an Ann Landers Moment:

Confidential to Crampy in Carson: If you didn't drink so many alcoholic beverages every night, you probably would have less problems with insomnia, headaches, and mood swings.

Confidential to Moody in Marin: Your fluctuating "energy level" may be improved by changing the behavior pattern in which you start the day with 4 cups of coffee and don't eat until 9 pm, at which point you pasta-binge.

Confidential to Hoarse in Harrisburg: If you read more books and listened to less talk radio you'd make more sense and fewer people would yell at you.

hydrozoa is right. I'm a terrible writer. One thing about livejournal as a medium is that no consistency of voice is enforced, so I'm Holden Caulfield Jr. one day and an enraged Abe Lincoln the next. I should be more disciplined.

Got any gum?

Comments

[frobisher.livejournal.com]

"Do I contradict myself?
Very well then I contradict myself,
(I am large, I contain multitudes.)"

- Walt Whitman

[nosrialleon.livejournal.com]

That's how I should have responded. At least I remember who said THAT.