A distinctive metallic taste in my mouth.

[substitute]

I don’t know whether to be enraged or defeated. Twenty-five years of rejection, another thirty, and then death? A variety of shitty consolation prizes? For every it wouldn’t work, for every I’m not ready, for every you’re a friend, for every sorry I just don’t think so, for every embarrassed shrug I want to throw a punch. Any 17 year old kid in town is ahead of me. I watch generations of friends age past me into stable happy lives and I burn. I’ve always been ugly and gawky and weird and now I’m old on top of it. Go ahead and twist that sneer of distaste into a concerned and friendly supportive smile. I am not fooled, even if you are. Go stick some pretty, well-adjusted boy between your legs if you want but don’t ask me for an avuncular smile; they’re all gone.

I always knew I was Nick Carraway, but I never expected to be Caliban.

Comments

[mr-flippant.livejournal.com]

Then let thy love be younger than thyself.

[substitute.livejournal.com]

apparently this requires the cooperation of other people, who are generally uninterested.

[mr-flippant.livejournal.com]

Wherefore are these things hid?

WAIT

[bruisedhips.livejournal.com]

where are these "well-adjusted" boys you speak of?

Re: WAIT

[substitute.livejournal.com]

I think in your case you'll have to adjust them manually.

Re: WAIT

[kennfusion.livejournal.com]

Hers may require some assembly, and batteries are not included.

[polycat.livejournal.com]

the NY Times has some book recommendations for you. (http://nytimes.com/2004/07/19/national/19DATE.html)

[substitute.livejournal.com]

All of those people need to go into the woodchipper immediately!