Now remember, folks

If you don't kill Jesus today there won't be any chocolate bunnies or Cadbury eggs on Sunday. You can get jellybeans any time, or store Peeps for 30 years, but without the judicial murder there won't be any chocolate ear to bite off.

So get cracking. I know he's a pretty nice guy but sometimes you just have to be hard.

At least this year we don't have the vexing problem of the 4/20 Hitler Easter

What We Look Like Now: Law Enforcement

Deputy Jon Tomer received the top award at the ceremony, accepting both the Medal of Valor and Purple Heart for responding to a call at an apartment in Aliso Viejo.

"I'm hoping I didn't do anything more than any other cop would have done," Tomer said after the ceremony. Because of an ongoing investigation into the incident, he could not comment specifically on the actions he was recognized for.

Secrecy, being an instrument of conspiracy, ought never to be the system of a regular government. — Bentham