fan letter sent to portbrewing.com just now

[substitute]

WELP,

I JUST HAD A 22 OUNCE BOTTLE OF YOUR SECOND ANNIVERSARY ALE. IT BLEW UP THE TOP OF MY HEAD AND TOOK MUCH OF THE SKULL CLEAN OFF. I SUPPOSE I WILL REGRET THIS LATER ON BUT IT WAS SO MUCH FUN GETTING THERE THAT I'M STILL HAPPY WITH THE RESULT.

I HAVE NEVER ENJOYED ILLEGAL DRUGS BUT I THINK THERE WAS SOMETHING SIMILAR TO HASHISH IN THERE DUE TO THE INTENSE NEARLY OILY HOP FLAVOR. DEAR GOD THAT WAS GOOD. THE GUY AT HI-TIME WINE KEPT IT IN A LOCKER AND I THINK THAT IS GOOD BECAUSE THIS IS A GENUINELY DANGEROUS LIQUID.

THANK YOU FOR COMPLETELY DESTROYING MY SKULL, MY BRAIN, AND MY HIGHER REASONING IN THE BEST POSSIBLE WAY. I SALUTE YOU FOR SUPERIOR AND DEADLY BREWING.

SALUD,

CONRAD

Comments

[troymccluresf.livejournal.com]

Shit, I'm sold!

[salome-st-john.livejournal.com]

you are the smartest best genius ever

[pauldeman2pt0.livejournal.com]

But did you actually send it to them in ALL CAPS?

[substitute.livejournal.com]

OF COURSE THERE IS NO OTHER WAAAAAY

[bobby isosceles (from livejournal.com)]

but where are the copious and humorously placed misspellings?

[tea-cantata.livejournal.com]

Hope you get an equally marvellous reply!

[bobby isosceles (from livejournal.com)]

I sent a similar e-mail to Victory after having two 25.4 oz bottles of their brews: Golden Monkey Tripel (9.5% abv) and V-12 (somewhere in between a saison and a barleywine, 12%).

[(Anonymous)]

i'm beginning to like you more and more sub. that there is a mighty fine beer. they also make a pretty good pie, every been to pizza port? good times. if you're there and they have it, try the black IPA. perhaps we should get together for a beer one of these days.

i'm a retard

[elserracho.livejournal.com]

apparently i just posted anonymously. i'm a bit of an idiot.

[hotelsamurai.livejournal.com]

I assume you already know this, but... hops and cannabis are closely related, as are their aromatic alkaloids.

Regards,
One who HAS enjoyed many an illegal drug

PS. I googled "secret grass" but a quick search didn't fturn up any mention of the project whereby hops and cannabis were grafted to grow stealth weed. I think it's apocryphal anyhow.