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substituteI'm being depressed again, and this post is mostly for my own "benefit". If you're bothered by self-pity, just move along.
In my relations with the opposite sex, I don't think I've progressed much since I was 13. Then, I'd look at the girl I was interested in and realize that I wasn't getting anywhere with her, and feel bad. Now, I hang out with her and don't get anywhere, and feel bad.
I appear socially functional, women like me fine, but no one wants to be intimate with me. I find that women I'm friendly with this way don't tell me when they've acquired a boyfriend; they just disappear for a bit, and then return to have dinner with me regularly again. They know that our friendship is a substitute for dating for both of us, and they don't want to hurt me or make me jealous, nor do they want to lose the friendly nonthreatening guy friend in their lives.
Various people have given me advice about my neurotic and painful social life. Setting aside the nut cases, misogynists, and people with a Solution for Everything, most of these boil down to one of:
1. Be a jerk. You're a Nice Guy and those don't get anywhere.
2. Ask out loads of women you don't actually like and end up having a sexual relationship with the 1 in $large_number who'll actually sleep with you.
3. I'm just as miserable as you; let's marinate in it.
#3 is pretty understandable, although unattractive, But I totally reject 1 and 2. I don't see mistreating other people as an effective strategy for achieving happiness, and neither do I think hanging around with ditzy red-faced divorcées at the local crappy bar will bring me anything good. If this is a sales gig, then I'm out of luck. In the Economy of Sex, which isn't something people like to talk about, I have a product that's hard to sell: I've always been eccentric, I've never looked the way you're supposed to look, and my lifetime success rate of zilch has at this point really colored my view to the point that I don't expect any success at all.
The really painful part about it, the part that I can't face most of the time, is that my "backup nonsexual friend" repeating situation means that the people I keep on caring so much about in my world rarely care nearly as much about me. I'm just not worth as much as they are. I should, perhaps, be grateful that any of them spend time with me at all, right?
When I was a teenager, of course, this was all going to get better as soon as I got to college and people had values more like mine. That's 20 years ago now.
I don't need any more friends like that. Not any of you. I'd rather be alone than condescended to any more.
I see right through your plastic mac.
In my relations with the opposite sex, I don't think I've progressed much since I was 13. Then, I'd look at the girl I was interested in and realize that I wasn't getting anywhere with her, and feel bad. Now, I hang out with her and don't get anywhere, and feel bad.
I appear socially functional, women like me fine, but no one wants to be intimate with me. I find that women I'm friendly with this way don't tell me when they've acquired a boyfriend; they just disappear for a bit, and then return to have dinner with me regularly again. They know that our friendship is a substitute for dating for both of us, and they don't want to hurt me or make me jealous, nor do they want to lose the friendly nonthreatening guy friend in their lives.
Various people have given me advice about my neurotic and painful social life. Setting aside the nut cases, misogynists, and people with a Solution for Everything, most of these boil down to one of:
1. Be a jerk. You're a Nice Guy and those don't get anywhere.
2. Ask out loads of women you don't actually like and end up having a sexual relationship with the 1 in $large_number who'll actually sleep with you.
3. I'm just as miserable as you; let's marinate in it.
#3 is pretty understandable, although unattractive, But I totally reject 1 and 2. I don't see mistreating other people as an effective strategy for achieving happiness, and neither do I think hanging around with ditzy red-faced divorcées at the local crappy bar will bring me anything good. If this is a sales gig, then I'm out of luck. In the Economy of Sex, which isn't something people like to talk about, I have a product that's hard to sell: I've always been eccentric, I've never looked the way you're supposed to look, and my lifetime success rate of zilch has at this point really colored my view to the point that I don't expect any success at all.
The really painful part about it, the part that I can't face most of the time, is that my "backup nonsexual friend" repeating situation means that the people I keep on caring so much about in my world rarely care nearly as much about me. I'm just not worth as much as they are. I should, perhaps, be grateful that any of them spend time with me at all, right?
When I was a teenager, of course, this was all going to get better as soon as I got to college and people had values more like mine. That's 20 years ago now.
I don't need any more friends like that. Not any of you. I'd rather be alone than condescended to any more.
I see right through your plastic mac.
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(no subject)
Date: 2003-09-02 09:01 am (UTC)This leaves bars and the internet. I dont really see you as the hanging out in bars to meet women type.
The reality of online dating is a numbers game for guys. If you send out enough notes, someone will respond, you will get dates. At first I thought this sucked, it was like, what is the point of a profile if you are just going to ignore it and send to anyone? Well, the profiles are bullshit anyways, so why pay that much attention to them.
Pick a big service like Yahoo or Match.com. Join. Find profiles that meet your basic requirements, but keep your requirements really loose. Send like 1 new note a day for a month. Make sure that when you send the notes, comment on things in their profiles, it actually helps to show that you really read the lies they wrote about themselves.
You will get dates from this.
(no subject)
Date: 2003-09-02 11:22 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2003-09-02 11:27 am (UTC)Think of it simply as networking.
What if you actually meet someone that you DO like and likes you online?
Have you seen eharmony? It might be a better altenative for you.
(no subject)
Date: 2003-09-02 05:04 pm (UTC)I did try Dr. Neil Warren's exciting eHarmony service. Dr. Neil was sad to inform me that there was no one within 300 miles who was compatible with me. Shit, N-Dogg, I could of tole you that.
(no subject)
Date: 2003-09-02 11:33 pm (UTC)Mind you, I'd never go that route myself, but that's more because I'm the shy, retiring, easily embarrassed type.
I'm also not suggesting you should either. I just think you're being a little (just a little) harsh on the process.
And, incidentally, can I just redirect my lj at yours? your journal sometimes sounds a lot more like me than mine does, and you're funnier a lot of the time too... :-)