Candidate's Statement

[substitute]

I am proud to represent Orange County and I hope that you, the citizens, will return me to my legislatorial chair this year. As a long-time resident of our residential areas I have pursued a bottoms-up form of communication that extends the grass roots into the statehouse.

This year I have concenterated on domestic issues close to those which threaten our families. At the implementation level I have implemented the Dairy Protein Extension Act which allows low-income families to substitute edible pork plasma-based nondairy dairy products. I was a co-sponsor with Senator Diebold on H.R. 3331, the 2006 Picket Fences Act, otherwise known as "Tom Sawyer's Law." Together we've made a big step towards ending the whitewashing.

I am proud to say that I have visitated many businesses in our business district and worn their hats. And I have heard what you say. You said: go back to Sacramento, and I did. In Sacramento I have sat on committees as well as in my office. I want to bring back to you the knowledge that we are having great meetings with some dynamic and forward-looking movers and shakers, and that the future still lies ahead.

Here are the key issues I'm facing for you today while sitting:

• Toxic parricides in your water supply
  
• No more rubber-stamping of pork barrels
  
• Mandatory abstinence education for newlyweds
  
• Appropriate taxation for refrigerator magnets
  
• State-funded monotreme reserves
  
• No more abortions in public libraries
  
• Whither baleen?
  
• Secure online dating
  
• Restricting sex offender access to Garanimals
  
• Federal notaries on all airline flights
  
• Ending nepotism in the drywall industry once and for all

I hope you'll join the Union Ironworkers, Ruth Buzzi, Opus Dei, and three out of four osteopaths in our osteopathic district in supporting my return to Sacramento this year.

Comments

[florence-craye.livejournal.com]

Anywhere Ruth Buzzi votes, I vote. You've got my support!

[salome-st-john.livejournal.com]

MONOTREMES UNTIE!

[besskeloid.livejournal.com]

Worthy of gutbloom himself.

[mcpino.livejournal.com]

Had this tract reached my inbox earlier, I surely would have done an absentee ballot.

[threepunchstuff.livejournal.com]

How do you respond to allegations of fisting at the Moulton Niguel Water District?

As an everyday voter who votes every day, I feel it's time for a change of name. I will cast my e-vite for your opponent, the lesser good.

[gcrumb.livejournal.com]

Those parricide stains are almost impossible to get out of your clothes.

[pilarcruz.livejournal.com]

I am vote for you

[becauseshewas.livejournal.com]

"Mandatory abstinence education for newlyweds" hahahaha

[hyniof.livejournal.com]

It's the:

     Baleen question that settled it in my mind.

                    Mike

re: not intended to make sense

[sakkaranoush.livejournal.com]

i do say, whither baleen is to suffer...
sperm is nobler.

[hersheyjumper.livejournal.com]

It's about time we did something about all the whitewashing...You've got MY vote, Mister!

[nosrialleon.livejournal.com]

Defective yeti's voting guide in McSweeney's is also not to be missed...

[besskeloid.livejournal.com]

Fantastic. I'm ashamed to admit, tho', that I don't know how to pronounce Wii. "Double you two"? "Why"? "Wee"?

[changeng.livejournal.com]

cuz we have a good ball club, we play them one game at a time and we give it 110 percent.

[mizducky.livejournal.com]

Yeah, that's right, you need a sports metaphor in there. And a little flag waving. Doesn't matter which flag, actually. As long as it's good and waved.