They had sushi but it was all raw and stuff and totally gross!

[substitute]

It is about the civilians, the civilians, the civilians, and the civilians are not capable. I don't care how beautiful you are if you drive on my lawn. Hey, okay, what are they going to test you for? I don't want to move anywhere without dumplings. I had to use the "Rite-Aid voice" on them.

The only other place you see those is rest stops on the Jersey Turnpike. Yeah it looks like a restaurant but it's just a room where you sit and people bring you food. Why did we respond an engine company for hiccups? This isn't organic and it isn't magnetic either.

My point was that in the years he sat at that he had worn the carriage return wafer-thin from a minimum of 1/8 inch, to frail. The psychoactive vegetable material is way past the oil and vinegar stage.

I don't know why I dated him. He wasn't even any good at real estate.

Comments

[becauseshewas.livejournal.com]

???

[besskeloid.livejournal.com]

Eavesdroppings, I think.

[dr-strych9.livejournal.com]

Dude?

[substitute.livejournal.com]

Dude!

[salome-st-john.livejournal.com]

THE RITE-AID VOICE!!

I feel famoose.

Explain!

[torgo-x.livejournal.com]

I desire a full specification of the Rite-Aid voice! It is my
Zahir right now -- and I don't even know what it is, but it's all I've ever wanted!

Ok!

[salome-st-john.livejournal.com]

substitute: Pretty woman on cellphone being Very Businesslike to someone
substitute: She is very cute but overenunciating
salome_st_john: That's always annoying.
substitute: Yeah. It makes me wonder if someone isn't very nice.
salome_st_john: Her someone or the other end of the line someone
substitute: Her
salome_st_john: Yeah that's always a concern.
salome_st_john: Oh.Kay. If you do. THIS. Then this can get done. You. SEE?
substitute: Being businessy and overenunciating like "you... Are... A... MORON"
substitute: Right!
salome_st_john: I do that when I'm in full bitchy mode.
substitute: Yeah me too
salome_st_john: I call that the "Rite-Aid Voice"
substitute: Hahaha
substitute: Perfect
salome_st_john: You have to use it mostly there.
substitute: Hahaha
substitute: The paramedic voice almost
substitute: WHAT IS YOUR NAME SIR
substitute: OKAY WHERE DOES IT HURT. RIGHT. NOW.
salome_st_john: it's worse that that.
salome_st_john: HI.
salome_st_john: EVERY.
salome_st_john: SINGLE.
salome_st_john: MONTH.
salome_st_john: FOR TWELVE MONTHS.
salome_st_john: YOU HAVE.
salome_st_john: MESSED UP.
salome_st_john: MY PRESCRIPTION.
substitute: Hahahaha
salome_st_john: YOU WILL NOW DO THIS
salome_st_john: AND YOU WILL DO IT THIS WAY
salome_st_john: AND YOU WILL DO IT NOW
salome_st_john: AND THAT WILL HAPPEN
salome_st_john: AND THAT'S IT
salome_st_john: OK?
substitute: Okay I have used that voice at work
substitute: The Harrison Ford is Pissed Off version
salome_st_john: Yes
salome_st_john: What happened is that exact scenario happened at Rite-Aid when I was with [ex-boyfriend]
salome_st_john: and I unleashed this voice that was simultaneously very business-like, very bitchy, and very in control.
substitute: Rong-Aid
salome_st_john: And [ex-boyfriend] came up and said "hey" to me and I turned around and said "WHAT" and then went "oh sorry, what" b/c I didn't transition out
substitute: Haha
salome_st_john: and he laughed and was like "that voice is pretty hot, you should do it more often"
salome_st_john: and so the Rite-Aid Voice was born

NOTE: I should emphasize that the voice is only sort of loud. It is loudish but also more forceful/quiet angry/bitchy/irritated-beyond-all-comprehension than yell-y. In case you were curious. I can probably do a sound file if you really need me to.

I am tempted to request

[citizenx.livejournal.com]

You are kind of amazing. And maybe famoose.

Famoose bites can be pretty nasty

[salome-st-john.livejournal.com]

I just realized I have no idea how to do a sound file, and may not have the proper technology, but if the rest of the innerwebs can figure it out, I bet I could too.

And thank you! That is most kind of you.

oh

[salome-st-john.livejournal.com]

ADDENDUM: I realized I left out the part where I also revealed that my ability to do a very, very in-control and powerful, occasionally bitchy and mean voice once landed me a job offer as a dominatrix in a for-reals San Francisco dungeon. Well, that and being 19 years old and in the, um, right? place at the right time.

In case you're curious, I did not take the job but you know, always good to have a range of voices in the arsenal. Or something.

Okay!

I guess that's right?

[citizenx.livejournal.com]

Wow. I'm not really sure what the right place for an out-of-the-blue dominatrix job offer would be.

I mean, assuming it was out of the blue.

Re: I guess that's right?

[salome-st-john.livejournal.com]

Yeah. Well, I mean, it was San Francisco, about 12 years ago. And it was a party filled with weird bondage-y people, some of whom were also computer nerd-y people. So it was only sort of out of the blue.

Maybe this is why I left out the part?

[becauseshewas.livejournal.com]

Ah. Eye Sea.

[yoscott.livejournal.com]

im pretty sure I said that line about the Jersey Turnpike in reference to Sbarro!!