Also, I have yet to break my 25-year record of getting crushes on the wrong people.

[substitute]

As I was sitting with friends tonight having a pleasant conversation, my whole world flipped upside down on me and suddenly I was tremendously depressed and alone, and felt that no one would ever want to be intimate with me ever and that I was going to die alone and soon.

It'd be just peachy if that didn't happen so often.