substitute

List of things I do that have no point or rhyme or reason or meaning but are compulsive and necessary:

Say “you are the cat!” to the cat, often
Count while peeing as if the number when I finish is significant
Rest one hand on the gearshift while driving although I have not driven stick for many years
Look at pretty girls
Continue through a story doggedly even when I realize everyone has heard it
Shake a bottle of pills slightly before taking one
Spin the vinyl backwards when putting a vinyl record on a turntable
Get up every day and live my life in the absence of evidence that it’s meaningful
Take a toothpick from the restaurant front counter
Try to repair damaged friendships
Bark at dogs