substitute

In all my years of boozing, I have never established a good working relationship with wine. Too little, too slowly, and I'm soon unconscio. Too much, too quickly, and me and my friend ralph drive the porcelin bus all night. I just can't find a middle ground. I love the stuff, but because I can't find the middle ground, I avoid it like the plague.

There's no Irish wine, right? I think it's just foreign to my genepool.