modest proposal

A generic bit of Metafilter agitprop announces that cockfighting is to be a felony in South Carolina, but domestic violence remains a misdemeanor. This leaves us with the comical impression that chickens are more valued than victims of domestic abuse.

Silly. The law cares about money. The reason cockfighting is a felony is that it's a gambler's sport; no one in South Carolina cares which birds claw each other.

The solution here is obvious; get the bookies to make odds on domestic violence. Or, better yet, have spouses and partners go at it before audiences. "Two points on the lady wearing #43, she's got some muscle on her!"

Result: domestic abuse would become a very serious crime immediately!

via kineticfactory

THE GREAT GORILLA RUN

Someone please go and take many pics. Zeb?

special shout out to eyeteeth

Copy editors rule!

They fight all the time! They flip out...

Watermelon smashing brothers duel

This is too weird. On the patio the other night, a bizarre rumor came up that the comedian Gallagher had actually retired due to illness, and that he'd hired his brother to replace him but not advertised this, so that if you saw Gallagher at your county fair it was actually a different person now. Too odd!

After a few minutes of web searching, the real story is weirder.

The original Gallagher, Leo, never retired. He did indeed have a heart attack but he's still fine and performing, showstopper fruit smash and all.

His brother, Ron, had been performing as Gallagher II. Gallagher Primary tolerated this for a few years, but then Ron started referring to himself as "the real Gallagher" and giving out autographs as his brother, telling people he was his brother, and worst of all doing the signature watermelon crush. This forced a brother against brother lawsuit in which Leo got an injunction to keep Ron from doing his act.

I can't find the fate of Ron after that. Maybe he had to get a job at Jiffy Lube or something.

This is the worst school assembly ever.

We laugh, but this is us in 10 years.

eyeteeth sent me a shirt!

ignatz: Summary of all hellraiser movies: So and so, bored with life, experiments with stranger and stranger delicacies of perversion and finally gets the puzzle box from this guy who's all whats ur pleasure sir and then he opens it up and lol its pinhead

quote of the day

From a song facts page about "I Write the Songs that Make the Whole World Sing":

I have seen House Arrest Chris on the local club scene here in Lauderdale. AWESOME! He covers many songs, but yes, "I Write The Songs" is my favorite too. Head-banging version of course. It is definitely a show for adults, with lot's of profanity and suggestive dance moves by Chris. When I saw him over Memorial Day weekend he set his penis on fire during his version of "Dancing Queen".
— Gary, Fort Lauderdale FL

I just paid $29 to make my life slightly more annoying.

The people at Mark/Space finally released their sync application for Mac OS X and the Sidekick, and I of course bought the thing, $29.

It's necessary and yet very annoying. First, you can only put it on two macs. What the hey? iSync with .Mac works everywhere. Why not restrict it to one Sidekick? No, two macs and two Sidekicks. Which makes no sense.

Second, you can only sync up to 8 times per day. This is funny, because iSync only has "manual only" or "once an hour" as options. So you have to use cron and applescript to say something like "run iSync update every 3 hours".

This follows the rule that everything involving Apple, and everything involving Danger and the Hiptop, is simultaneously totally cool and so annoying it makes my head vibrate to bits.

I'm glad you care.