Least favorite mall stores (unsorted list)

Aryan Notions Gift 'n' Card
Chili On A Stick
As Seen on C-SPAN Store
Perdue Chicken Factory Store
Rocky Mountain Oyster Factory
Big Dogs Intimates
Christian Leather
Big & Tall Broads
Cold Stone Piercery
The Athlete's Butt
Wankee Candle
Build-A-Bible Workshop
Lane Bryant Kids
Scientologie
One Hour Maternity
Aerofatale
American Emo Outfitters

Posted to diedrich

A God/Stalker View of my hangout, courtesy Google's satellite maps.

and this just in

imnottravis: I just hasselhoffed the secretary's desktop.

Finding Emo

This is poorly written but an interesting story: hooked on foliage. I remember a similar story a few years ago in the L.A. Times in which a woman recounted trying to zap her chronic pain with poppy tea and getting seriously addicted, crashing her car on the nod, taking 1.5 years to get off the stuff, etc. But you know, it's natural! So it can't hurt you.

There have been a lot of small people around lately. Not dwarves or midgets, just small people. A three-quarter-scale hipster couple has been at D's almost every night lately, and there is a very, very small woman using her laptop here most days. Also the guy at the auto parts store only had his shoulders over the counter.

Speaking of the auto parts store they were playing "Hungry Eyes" from Dirty Dancing on the muzak there and I got not an earworm but a full on brainworm from it, gnawing through the amygdala and thalamus deep into the stem.

This is a spring day out of a movie about how spring days are the greatest thing, except that I'm not running laughing through a meadow with Audrey Tautou or whatever.

The 60 year old man next to me is logging into MySpace. He's going to have even less luck there than I did!

¿Quien es mas macho: pumpkin muffin, o root beer?

Ah, he was logging on to myspace because he and his friend are trying to start Yet Another Failed Yellow Pages Type Portal and they want to know what people, you know, use. Oh boy.

(no subject)

The world's loudest family is currently at D's. Everything they say sounds like they are calling livestock. They have two dogs which bark constantly. All of the kids have uncut mops of hair extending in all directions. Conversation:

IT'S A TYPE OF DIARRHEA BUT ITS DIFFERENT..
JJ SHUT UP, JJ EW EW, JJ
BARKBARKBARKBARK
I WANTED A NONFAT CARAMEL LATTE IS THIS A NONFAT CARAMEL LATTE I SAID I AM TALKING TO YOU IS THIS
BARKBARK BARK BARKBARKBARKBARK
YOU'RE AN ASSHOLE
OK OK OK OK FINE WANT ME TO DO IT IF YOU WANT ME TO DO IT I'LL DO IT
NOTHIN NOTHIN
HE'S NOT GONNA DO IT. IT'LL MAKE MY DAY
BARKBARKBARKBARK
WHAT KIND? WHY?
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA BARKBARKBARKBARKBARKBARK
DO YOU WANT SOME MORE TEA??????
I DO ONE LIKE THIS AND IT HIT AND THEN ONE FELL AND THEN I DID ANOTHER. MOM? I SAID I DID ONE LIKE THIS AND THEN ANOTHER AND THEN
BARKBARK
GO, FINE. FINE. JUST GO. GO. I AM GOING TO SMOKE OVER HERE, THERE. YOU CAN JUST GO

Edit: Mop headed 14 year old kid, who looks like he's 12, just asked 18yo hottie D's employee Nina out on a date. [LAFF TRACK]