grawk

Trying to find information on chaptal’s discovery that some early silent film actor was murdered by ostriches, I located this instead.

DEATH BY OSTRICH
June 30, 1999
The Associated Press
WINLOCK, Wash. -- The owner of an exotic animal farm has, according to this story, decided to keep the ostrich that killed her father over the weekend. Fred Parker, an 81-year-old man with heart trouble, was found dead Sunday night in the pen of 400-pound King Tut. Parker suffered a fractured neck, and a coroner concluded his bad heart probably contributed to the death. Parker’s daughter was cited as saying that she did not understand why her father, who had been left alone to feed the ostriches, emus, llamas and potbellied pigs on her exotic animal farm, was in the pen. But she did not blame the ostrich. Linda Carter was quoted as saying, “I have no intentions right now of destroying my ostrich because of my father’s death. The ostrich was protecting his domain. It’s just like any wild animal. You don’t go in a bear’s pen; you don’t go in an ostrich’s pen.”

Song without words or song or really anything much.

I met a nice young woman tonight, 18 years old and going to both high school and community college. Her boyfriend is a Marine and he’s in Fallujah. I wonder if he’ll come home? And what he’ll be like? I hope it all turns out okay but it’s a heartbreak.

I was listening to Guadalcanal Diary’s fine serial killer song “Please Stop Me” and I realized that my favorite line in the song, which is “Find yourself in Georgia with a pitchfork through your head” is not on the album version. Either they only did that line live, or I invented it. I sure hope it’s the former!

WORD SUBSTITUTIONS:

Substitute “lunch” for “love” in all pop songs.

Substitute “bozo” for “cyber” everywhere.

Substitute “emo” for “evil”.

I’m off to watch Resident Emo and have some bozosex.

The best one in this list is "You."

Most loathsome 2004.

Barbarella is here; she's just unevenly distributed.

This just in from our favorite vibrator-melting patio pal. Special bonus points for “David Geffen School of Medicine”

Doctor Discovers the ‘Orgasmatron’
Physician Working with Pain Relief Device Stumbles Upon Delightful Side Effect

Dec. 29, 2004 - While Dr. Stuart Meloy was working on a new device to treat chronic pain, he was surprised to discover it could also bring pleasure to his female patients.

While Meloy, an anesthesiologist and pain specialist in Winston-Salem, was putting an electrode into the spine of a female patient with chronic back pain, the woman reported a decrease in her pain and a delightful, but very unexpected, side effect.

( Men now even less useful )

Wal-Mart would like you to believe that they are not Satan.

http://www.walmartfacts.com/

Right, guys.

http://www.walmartfacts.com/associates/their-own-words.aspx “Mr. Swenson said if I said anything wrong they’d cut off my son’s other ear, too.”

http://www.walmartfacts.com/keytopics/ # we didn’t do ANY of these evil things!

Good lord, 1.2 million people work in this cheerful shithole.

Doom song!

Bird Flu Likely Jumped Between Humans Last Year
Sun Jan 23, 2005 10:39 PM ET

By Gene Emery

BOSTON (Reuters) - A fatally ill Thai girl probably spread deadly bird flu to her relatives last year in what would mark the first documented case of human-to-human transmission of the feared virus, medical investigators said on Monday.

But they said there was no evidence that the H5N1 bird flu virus, which infected 44 people in Asia and killed 32 of them last year, has found a more efficient way to infect humans -- although the threat remains of an influenza epidemic powerful enough to rival those of 1918, 1957 and 1968.

“It was reassuring that no further transmission of the virus has been detected,” said a team led by Kumnuan Ungchusak at the Thai Ministry of Public Health in Nonthaburi.

( The pants of me have been scared off. )