BROHAAAAAS

IT’S FRIDAY AFTERNOON AND I SMELL A PARTY IN THE AIR!! WHO’S UP FOR GETTIN SOME CHORKARITAS AND FLACCIPENO POPPERS AT TGIF AND TOTALLY BLOWIN OFF THE AFTERNOON?? THE TASTY LITTLE HOTTIES HIT THE BAR AROUND 4 AND WE CAN GET THE FIRST HIT ON THEM!

THEN WE CAN POUND A FEW LITES AT THE LARDHOUSE AND HIT THE ROAD FOR VEGAS! WHERES MY ZEBRA PRINT FURRY COWBOY HAT? DUDE IF YOU JUST SHOW THE BITCHES YOUR MONEY THEY TOTALLY PUT OUT. BMW AND BLING EQUALS BJ!!!

OR MAYBE WE COULD JUST YELL DICK JOKES AT THE TV IN THE BAR UNTIL IT’S TIME TO GO HOME AND JERK IT TO THE VIVID GIRLS AGAIN. FOR GOD’S SAKE DON’T TELL DAD I’M GAY.

Perhaps you'd also like to look at the 2004 Chrysler Condescension, little missy

Don’t bother your pretty little head. Just lie back on the ponytail headrest and press the go thingy:

http://www.cars.com/news/stories/121703_storyb2_ut.jhtml?page=newsstory&aff=boston

I decree

Further set of banned things:

1. Describing a good cigar (or damn near anything else) as “stony”

2. Specifying an income minimum in online personals

3. Fascism. The real thing, I mean, not Mom saying you can’t have the car keys.

4. Valentine’s Day (this is preemptive).

5. Sugarcoating turds. You know who you are.

6. The next election.

7. Reduced fat cheese. Jesus, it’s like foam rubber.

8. Celebrity meltdowns. We non celebrities have enough of those already, thanks.

9. Blaming people for their illnesses.

10. Geek culture. Forget it, folks, the dot-com years are over.

It's my own fault but

I'm sitting surrounded by friends right now and I feel completely alone.

What the fuck. One failed attempt to step out of my role and I'm screwed forever.

And people wonder why I don't try so often.

Thank god I have a full liquor cabinet.