workin for the weak end

Picked up zebulon_y at the airport tonight. We’re going to the LA Auto Show tomorrow. After that going to be free in the evening. Who wants to have dinner, and where?

Despite losing my wallet and freaking the fuck out about it earlier tonight, I managed to get zeb into his hotel and have a bit of time with the D’s crew. I returned home, starving, and consumed both chicken noodle soup and yogurt with blueberries.

I’ve had a lot of trouble communicating adequately with friends lately, because I’ve been depressed and anxious, which makes me selfish and not a good listener. Everyone seems to be behind a layer of wet cotton to me. People should know that I do give a damn about you, but for reasons of my own I’m not able to rise to the occasion.

Chicken noodle soup is everything they say it is, you know.

You got your hypotenuse in my acute angle! Ow!

http://www.solvedating.com/

HhahAHAHahahAHAhahHAHahahahahAAHahahaahaa [breathe] BWAAAAAhahahahaha

Oh, and while we're on the subject of Sex Disasters

From the other end of the spectrum, we have Model Quality Introduction, who advertise locally here. I specially like their “How MQI Works” page, which states:

“How MQI Works
MQI encourages its massive database of women to approach other gorgeous women with sweet personalities at parties, Ivy League functions, restaurants, beauty pageants, charity events, and even the Playboy Mansion. Our beautiful woman can approach other beautiful woman and talk about men without it being threatening to them. We approach only the most gorgeous women at a particular event. We offer them the rare opportunity to meet our men who are attractive, high caliber, educated, and commitment minded. In return for our service, we ask these ladies to work for us by trading us their girlfriends’ referrals for our male client referrals.

Our database grows exponentially since one beautiful woman refers 2, and 2 refer 4, and 4 refer 8, and 8 refer 16, etc… This way, we will always have more ladies than men. It’s a privilege for a lady to be added to our registry so we ask them to share our information with other beautiful women and get them excited about meeting you. MQI levels the playing field and allows winners to meet winners.

As women are always referring exceptional women, and our gentlemen are always referring their friends and business partners, neither database will ever run low on talent.”

Also:

”MQI allows men to outsource the hassle of finding, calling, screening, and dating women to us. We speed up the process and eliminate those that will not work and focus upon those who will. After the initial date, if the chemistry is mutual, you can start a relationship then and there.”

GOSH, YOU MEAN RIGHT OVER THERE? ON THAT COUCH? AM I IN A “RELATIONSHIP” YET?? YOW!!!

Tourism can be deadly

Watch out for Stendhal’s Syndrome, art lovers.

Watch out for Jerusalem Syndrome, spiritual seekers.

Maybe I have Newport-Mesa Syndrome?

at sea

When I was a kid, my dad had a boat, a 28 foot sailboat. It was big enough that the whole family could sleep in it, and we would sail to Catalina Island (that’s 26 miles offshore from here) sometimes for vacations. We had mooring rights in White’s Cove and we’d anchor or moor there and go ashore on hiking trips. We also skin-dived and pet the garibaldi fish and other fun things.

I would row to the beach and skip stones. At first i wouldn’t be any good at it, because I hadn’t done in in a while. But I’d get better at picking the smoothest, flattest stones and giving them the right lateral jerk and a little spin so they would skip. By the last day of the trip I’d be able to skip the stone twice more often than not on the cool glassy cove water. I was always trying for 3 skips but never got there. My parents would drag me back into the dinghy and to our boat, and we’d sail back home.

I was a precocious kid. I mastered reading early, had huge vocabulary, spoke in paragraphs at a young age, and was always in an advanced class. Even in my weak subjects like math and biology I did better than most other kids; I was an academic star. From kindergarten straight through the senior year in high school I was almost a perfect student. I went off to UCLA as a Regents Scholar with honors privileges and the works.

Unfortunately, I didn’t grow up. Emotionally I was defenseless, my social experience was dreadfully lacking, and I had no discipline. Starting at age 18 my life slowly fell apart, and since my early twenties I’ve had an uphill battle to survive in society. A lot of my friends now are ten or more years younger than I am, and far more experienced and tougher and more resilient. I’m still 12, somehow.

I want to sail that boat back to Catalina, row ashore at White’s Cove, and skip stones. I want to get to three skips, no matter how long it takes. And then I want to sail back and start over and actually grow up this time and have a youth during my youth, and actually go through my teens and twenties like some kind of normal person instead of being too withdrawn and immature to live my life. I want a do-over.

But instead, I’m entering middle age still dragging my childish self along like a beat-up teddy bear, and watching everyone else move past me, more grown up than I’ll ever be. And I’m afraid that the only growing up I’ll get to do now is the worst part, the part where I swallow down my pride and my desire and take the half-broken life I was given. There aren’t any do-overs, and the stone only skips twice.