This is what happens to you when you go looking for that bad religious movie with Mr. T and Corbin B

[substitute]

Exhibit 1: PICTURE OF JESUS IN THE CLOUDS

Exhibit 2: THE FREAKIN' APOCALYPSE FOR KIDS. That's right, Mr. Fisher. If Bill and I hadn't been trying to solve the riddle of Hidden Lake, we never would have found out that Old Man Zaftig was the Devil!

Exhibit 3: PRE-WRATH AUDIOCASSETTES!

Exhibit 4: THE CRAPPY MOVIES I WAS ORIGINALLY AFTER!

Exhibit 5: ROCK POCALYPSE!!!

I'm tired now. Folks, the phrase for this is "premillenial postdispensationalism", and that's all I'm gonna say about that.