this is the way the world ends, not with a bang but a Hummer

[substitute]

1. Welcome to Orange County, where being a summer reading star gets you deadly, lead-tainted toy prizes from the library!
   
   
2. Welcome to Orange County, where a nice crab roll at Riptide Sushi fills your lungs with ravenous, deadly parasites! Edit: link fixed
   
   
3. Welcome to Orange County, where even the [correction] guy who looks like a carnie biker to the Register, who fixes cop cars and drinks at Skosh Monahan's thinks that the mayor of Costa Mesa is fucking shit up with his anti-Mexican pogrom.
   
   
4. Welcome to America, where we push our children through our gigantic supermarkets in remotely managed mind control devices on wheels.
   
   
5. Welcome to New Orleans, where a night in jail turned into the Raft of the Medusa last year.
   
   
6. And now, welcome back to Orange County, where the richest, whitest, prettiest kids in the world will try to convert you you a religion they cannot in any meaningful way understand.