Home Depot has great grim meathooks on sale

[substitute]

1. Women in science who'd like to be taken more seriously may wish to consider changing their gender entirely. Benefits include respect, promotion, encouragement, and being allowed to finish entire sentences!
   
   
2. The U.S. Government wants wireless device owners to get emergency alerts. That's pretty cool. I get some of those already because I'm a nerd. But they're going to be opt-in. Right? RIGHT?
   
   
3. Oreos: The pandemic cookie of the occident!!
   
   
4. If you get the shit beaten out of you by the LAPD, they may also decide to charge you with lynching while they're at it. In Soviet Los Angeles, etc.