something is the opiate of the someone

[substitute]

1. I ordered this awesome health-affirming air purifier from the yuppie catalog and now I have an awesome health-afffirming stage 2 air quality alert in my house! AWESOME!
   
   
2. Wow, did we pay for this Texas Sheriff's overtuned Hummer H2 copgasm?
   
   
3. The Southern California mountains are no joke, even in May. When you're lost and slowly dying of exposure, finding a dead guy's stuff can help you survive, but it's also a sign that your problem may not be uncommon.
   
   
4. Michael Chabon writes about Legos.
   
   
5. FAQ: How to Treat the Dutch and Avoid Becoming One