One thing that made sense to me while researching the cognitive basis of this is that problem-solving logic gets inappropriately applied by some of us. It's actually an ADD-like thing in some ways. As it was explained to me, when you have the kind of mind that likes to solve problems (untying nots, doing a web search, etc.), you get good brain feedback from that activity. But when you're depressed about something or you feel hurt, or there's some other emotional situation that simply has to be endured until it ends, the problem solving reflex is very bad. What happens is that we focus very hard on the trouble and keep thinking about things to do, or how to fix or solve it, chasing that relief response we get when problems get solved at the same time we're chasing relief from emotional stress.
Unfortunately this is rarely going to work, because most emotional pain results from things that have to either be solved with entirely different tools, or will go away on their own if left alone. Going into investigational mode can keep the healing process from happening or slow it down, analogous to picking at a sore.
What we need is the mental equivalent of the cone on a dog. For my part, I'm trying to consciously catch myself when I go into problem-solving mode about an emotional trauma and just STOP. As you know, that's hard.
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Date: 2005-11-24 09:53 pm (UTC)Unfortunately this is rarely going to work, because most emotional pain results from things that have to either be solved with entirely different tools, or will go away on their own if left alone. Going into investigational mode can keep the healing process from happening or slow it down, analogous to picking at a sore.
What we need is the mental equivalent of the cone on a dog. For my part, I'm trying to consciously catch myself when I go into problem-solving mode about an emotional trauma and just STOP. As you know, that's hard.