Dear God:

[substitute]

Please Destroy All Humans Now.

Hugs,

Your servant ignatz.

attachment:

In focus groups, online polling, and one-on-one discussion, Extreme for Jesus has found that the number one reason teens don't read the Bible is that it is "too big and freaky looking." This fashion-magazine format for the New Testament is the perfect solution to that problem. Teen girls feel comfortable exploring the Scriptures and over 500 further-study notes because of the relevant format!

Comments

[turnip.livejournal.com]

that's... really.. sad.

[turnip.livejournal.com]

I mean, I'm not even a christian, but I think the good old King James bible has more dignity than that.

I don't get it

[loose-joints.livejournal.com]

The two most disturbing things: 1. Beauty secrets 2. Love notes from God. Are these biblical beauty secrets or tips about be hawt but chaste? Isn't the New Testament supposed to be all about the love Jesus for folks? Why condense it down into creepy note form?

[srl.livejournal.com]

Saw it a month or so ago. So horrified by the conflation of teenybop compulsory femininity with having any kind of spiritual life.

[marm0t.livejournal.com]

please please please can i see the questions in the 'are you dating a godly guy' quiz

It's a joke.

[nosrialleon.livejournal.com]

It HAS to be a joke.
Please tell me it's a joke?
OH GOD, WHY WON'T YOU TELL ME ITS A JOOOOOOOOOKE?!?!?!?!?!???

not

[flipzagging.livejournal.com]

<Yhwh> hehe looser no im not kidding
<Yhwh> omg did u see wut Jezebel wuz waring in history??

Worst reality show, ever

[nosrialleon.livejournal.com]

Yhwh: you can start with the smiting, now.
Yhwh: plz? whenever you have a spare moment?

[brianenigma.livejournal.com]

I like the use of the Jesus-Fish as the letter Y. It makes me want to draw little feet on each one. I'd like to hear what scripture really means, as interpreted for the female early-teen demographic.

[tuliphead.livejournal.com]

so frightening and wrong, i had to link your post in my journal.

i want to see a feature called "Sex Tips for girls":

1) don't do it
2) don't do it
3) unless you are doing it to have babies, don't do it
4) god likes it when you remain chaste
5) don't do it
6) god hates birth control
7) if you do it before marriage, you're going to hell
8) don't do it

[stimps.livejournal.com]

I. Hate. This.

>_

[kyieren.livejournal.com]

This is sooo insanely NOT right, I'm at a loss for words. This is just blasphemous in every sense of the word.

[beeblism.livejournal.com]

finally! the gospel reinterpreted in a way that I, a white teenage girl coming of age in the latter days of godless moral bankruptcy and liberal media bias, can understa... hey, wait a fucking minute! this is just the new testament in here!

i always get suspicious when WASPs get together and start smiling.