Can't make love to the girls in this town

[substitute]

This is the weekend that I shall become one or more of:

• A huge yet nimble insectoid creature, mantis-like in appearance, with serrated mandibles and forelegs, dripping with caustic goo, that lives only to rend humans limb from limb.
  
  
• A charismatic street preacher whose exhortations to "Live as though you were already in HELL!" fill the air at gas stations, grocery stores, and open-air restaurants throughout the county.
  
  
• A serial murderer of drywall contractors whose crimes include jigsaw pieces left in each victim's mouth; the pieces, as assembled by the detectives, are slowly revealing a face. But whose?
  
  
• The only non Chinese member of the Communist Party's Central Coordinating Committee in Beijing.
  
  
• Chewbacca.
  
  
• The world's leading collector of pre 1989 Soviet and Eastern Bloc gay pornography.
  
  
• Mary Baker Eddy.

Comments

[nosrialleon.livejournal.com]

When do you leave for the not-so-great and not-so-white north?

[substitute.livejournal.com]

May 1, day before the Go4 show.

[bruisedhips.livejournal.com]

Please maintain chewbacca status through may 6th kthnx.

[do-not-lick.livejournal.com]

Do we get to vote?

[mr-flippant.livejournal.com]

Chewbacca!

What a wookie!

Putting the hellfire in Fire Island

[mcbrennan.livejournal.com]

Please combine #2 and #6 in some spectacularly visual manner. We could probably book you on an incredibly lucrative tour of ironic Gay Meccas, tragically hip art spaces and freeway underpasses.

[besskeloid.livejournal.com]

SURFACE TO AIR MISSILE.